“Good evening. I am Smevilles, your steward.”
Smevilles, me old mate! How have you been? I haven’t seen you since I played that dusty old adventure game Titanic: Adventure Out Of Time back in the 1990s. Remember? You were the steward aboard the ill-fated ocean liner, and you used to – ha ha – you used to come into my first class cabin and tell me about the ship’s layout. Your moustache and juddering facial animations used to make me smile. It’s good to see you. What are you doing these days?
Oh. You’re still on the Titanic. Right.
This is a daft adventure game. You play a retired secret agent, hoking around your London flat as World War 2 goes on without you. Then, your home is suddenly bombed to bits. Oh no. But somehow you wake up, and you've been fired back in time to a secret mission that you once failed aboard the Titanic. Maybe this time, the game suggests, you’ll get things right.
Getting things right involves: chasing a precious jewel, securing a Russian agent’s notebook, and rescuing a painting by a young Adolf Hitler in which war plans are hidden. Get everything you need before the ship goes plop into the water, and you can prevent both World Wars and the Russian revolution. Sure. Why not.
I never got very far. There were too many complicated threads for my young mind to follow, and I probably would rather have been playing Crash Bandicoot than looking at the unsettling mouths of these passengers. But I watched my brother saunter around the ship with gusto, and looking back at some YouTube playthroughs, I enjoy hearing Smevilles’ voice again.
You can still get it on Steam, if you wish to travel back in time yourself.