Posts Tagged ‘free loaders’

Free Loaders: Spruce up dead planets as little green men

Life is stressful. Missiles are flying, people in suits are arguing and, look, there’s garbage everywhere. We need some kind of menial yet satisfying task to sooth our troubled modern soul. Tidy up? NO WAY. Here’s a game about colouring-in imaginary worlds with grass and trees and then sodding off to the next one. That’ll do the job.
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Free Loaders: Risky Phone lets you be this asshole

People who walk down busy streets with their head buried in their phone. We’ve all seen them. Savage half-humans without dignity or grace. You try to go left as they approach and they slowly veer the same direction, ignorant of your efforts to avoid a collision. Then they turn around and start walking the other way. Now, you are stuck behind them! Clearly, you have died and this is your hell. There is no other explanation.

Well, what if I told you that, thanks to the power of videogames, you too can be this absolute plonker? It’s true. Just come with me to find out how.
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Free Loaders: Building tiny towns with a Little Land

If anyone is reading this, I need your help. The apocalyptic thunderstorm happening in the clouds above me has already knocked out the power once, and there’s no telling when it might happen again, so I must write quickly, even it makes this opening paragraph sound like the last note written by a doomed character in Prey. I’ve collected some free games, please take them to safety and play the ones you think are neat. You can find them in the locker. The code is 1234.
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Free Loaders: Phantom pain in the Ghost Hospital

Boo! Ha ha ha. I got you, you genuinely believed I was a ghost. You foolish person. I’m not a ghost, just a guy with some free games. But one of those free games has ghosts in it, which I understand give you the willies. Don’t worry about that, most of these ghosts are the Caspery kind. They’re there to make you feel better, after all, they work in a hospital.
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Free Loaders: The Quick and the Dad

Dads are a notoriously angry species, we all know this, we’ve seen the documentaries. But what is it like to be a dad? What goes on in those strange, otherworldly minds? Washing up worries? Beer? I can’t answer that question, for I am but a humble games journalist, and thus banned from procreating. But maybe I have something here that can help us decode these dadly mysteries. That’s right, the dadification of videogames continues in this week’s roundup of free games.
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Free Loaders: Meat the monsters

If you are reeling from a Good Friday without delicious burgers, chops or anything meaty at all, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered (and the rest of you heathens too, don’t fret). This week’s best free games include one in which you make monsters out of various pieces of cartoon meat – kidneys, skin flesh, chicken legs, eyeballs. Are eyeballs “meat”? Don’t ask me, I’m a gamesmonger, not a butcher.
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Free Loaders: Ghosts vs Autocomplete

It’s almost Easter, a holiday which is all about a dead man getting out of his pit and sauntering around like there’s nothing wrong. Well, we have another ghostly tale for you this week in our round-up of free games. A first-person horror story so spine-chilling that you won’t feel comfortable while alone in your own apartment for years to come. A fear so instinctive and gripping that you will be unable to look at any living room or toilet bowl the same way again. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Loaders: Rebuild your childhood with Tracks

We got our April Fool’s japes in early with a FAKE NEWS special last week, so we’ll be regressing back to reality now. Just pull that lever for me will you? That’s it. Oh no! You’ve regressed us too far! We’re back in reality all right, but now we’re all toddlers and we’re surrounded by wooden train tracks. Wooden train tracks as far as the eye can see! How do you always manage to get us into this kind of mess?
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Gabe Newell to write, direct and star in Half-Life movie

The founder of Valve, Gabe Newell, will write the script for a Half-Life movie adaptation, as well as being named the director, it was revealed today. However, he is also slotted to act the part of the hero of the classic 1998 shooter, physicist Gordon Freeman. This was all said in a public announcement that sent fans of the series into a frenzy. It was expected that the company was going to announce Half-Life 3, and when that didn’t happen the eyes of the crowd turned an unholy crimson and smoke began to appear from inside everyone’s clothes. The writhing mass of human rage left the announcement venue and swarmed into the nearest lake, where they dissolved into a thick particulate and melded into a horrifying 300 ft beast that went on to destroy downtown Bellevue.
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Free Loaders: Of resistance and roguelikes

Good day, fellow revolutionaries. The time has come to shake off the shackles of oppression but also to try some free games from this week’s round up. We’ve had a couple of game jams competing for attention – the Resist Jam, which is all about raising that fist and shaking it at The Man, and the 7 Day Roguelike Jam, which I presume is all about getting lost in a maze and succumbing to sweet, sweet death. Roll out, comrades. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Loaders: The puzzling rooms of M.C. Escher

So you want to know where the free games are this week? Up those stairs and on the right. No, not those stairs, the other stairs, the ones that are perpendicular to those stairs. Now if you just go through to the next room, which is actually just this room but viewed from another perspective, then you can take those stairs. No, I mean the original stairs. No, you go down this time. That’s right, to the left. Under that staircase, yeah, but kind of like, over that staircase as well. At least I think that’s where they are. I’m not Escher. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Loaders: What’s the draw of horror?

As hard as it is to believe, we live in the good timeline. In this reality, Walt Disney did not go crazy with delusions of bringing his animations to life, creating a terrifying place where you can be stalked by cartoon characters. Oh no, he did! Well, at least the terror of Disneyland is offset by the boredom of long queues for Space Mountain. In our headlining free game this week, there’s no such respite.
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Free Loaders: Catching up with your past self

One game this week (pictured above) is about physically chasing your own trail to catch your past self in a dancey “worm hole of time-space frequency”. I once encountered my past self. He sent me an email through some sort of delayed electronic delivery service. On the morning of my 20th birthday I checked my inbox to find a poorly-written message from 2004 in which my schoolboy self laughed at me because he had “no worries ’bout money, education or any of that stuff”. What a brat. Well the joke’s on him. I don’t need money when I’ve got free games!
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Free Loaders: Rock out with the Lonely Geologists

We’ve got some rockin’ free games for you in this week’s round-up. You might think I’m talking boulderdash, but trust me, these games are really gneiss. From stone-cold killers with the ability to swap bodies at will, to a poor sap who has been granite the power of VHS vision. Don’t worry, we’ve cobbled together a list for you. Come and marble at them all. I will stop doing these rock gags if you pumice not to slate them.
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Free Loaders: Dictator tower defence & hookshot cars

There is no greater love than that of free games. It is the purest love. The most generous love. The filthiest love. You try to hide it, but I know this love consumes you and constricts your bosom like an over-passionate anaconda. Don’t worry, you’re among friends here. We love free games too, and every week we bring you more. Think of us as your matchmaker. Your sordid, seedy matchmaker. Free games for the playing!
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Free Loaders: Flipping the bird in Helping Hand

Humans are great communicators. We’ve developed not only spoken langauges, but reams and reams of written ones throughout history. Not to mention Braille and sign language. Truly, the human ability to express emotions, needs and desires is an unparalleled proof of our shared greatness as the planet’s most wonderful species.

Hey! Quit doing that rude gesture! Stop it! I mean it!

Sigh. Here’s some free games.
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Free Loaders: Fend off sharks and build nets in Raft

You know that bit in Castaway, starring Tom Hanks and Fed Ex, where he’s drifting at sea in a raft and the poor football he’s been absolute best mates with for years and years croaks it in the big blue and floats away with a sad smile? Would you like to relive that moment, except instead of a friendly football your closest friend is a huge shark? And instead of floating away from you he’s travelling towards you at a menacing speed and with a vicious and unstoppable hunger for your flimsy human flesh?

Me too! Come on in. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Loaders: Heist, heist baby

Oh look, you’re back. Last year was interesting, wasn’t it? Hopefully 2017 has good things in store, both in terms of free games and the continuation of human history. We’re off to a strong start on the games side, anyway. Come into our digital den of dastardly downloads as we explore some of the finer details of your personality, including but not limited to:

  • Criminality
  • False consciousness
  • Bad diet
  • Poor hygeine

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The best free games of 2016

Every week of the year Free Loaders dutifully brings a bunch of free games to you, like a servant with small handful of grapes. But now, the winter moon rises. The journalist slumbering in me growls and shakes his legs. Game time, joy time, thumbs are sundered. List time, award time, hear the keyboard howl.

Here are the best games covered by Free Loaders this year, listed and granted their well-deserved awards.
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