Posts Tagged ‘the risen report’

Wot I Think: Risen 3 (aka The Risen 3 Report Finale)

What did I think of Risen 3 – Titan Lords, Piranha Bytes’ low fantasy, pirate-themed roleplaying game? I wrote nine diaries about it, primarily focusing on the absurd, and I was variously accused of sneering unreasonably and giving too much attention to something that didn’t warrant it. Both were probably correct, but my riposte to either is that I did it because I was enjoying myself. It’s just that sometimes I was laughing with the game, and sometimes I was laughing at it.

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The Risen 3 Report, Day 9: A Haircut That Means Business

This will be the penultimate Risen 3 Report; the next and final one will be a Wot I Think. I’ve held my cards close to my chest about how I feel about this RPG, and very soon it’s time to reveal all.

Apologies if you wanted these to continue FOREVER or something, but it’s simply time to turn my attention to other games. For now, let’s talk discuss real progress, and forcible haircuts.
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 8: How To Sit Down

The story so far of my adventures in ambitious but cracked roleplaying game Risen 3 is here.

I’m still engaged on my long quest to learn magic, which for some reason involves compiling multiple mining reports for a rather brusque fellow, and it’s been hard work. The kind of work that causes a guy to have to put his feet up every so often. Fortunately, there are no shortage of places to stop and have a good sit on the island of Taranis. Better still, it seems sitting is something of an art form around here. Every placement of buttocks to chair, bench or throne tells a new story.

Let me show you my best moves.
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 5: The World’s Longest Arm Wrestle

The story so far. Now: arm-wrestling.

Four minutes. Four long, boring, exhausting minutes. Am I trolling this guy, or do I just not know how to arm wrestle?
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 4: The Salem Duck Trials

Previously on the Risen 3 Report:

Evil Pirate Porn Star Sisters!
Garth Merenghi’s Dark Arts Place!
Scrotal Fashion!
Several hours of adventuring in the pirate town of Antigua, which I’m not going to tell you about because it was pretty dull!
Now: a suspicious duck.

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The Risen 3 Report, Day 2: Voodoo Matt Berry

The good news is that I do now have Risen 3 working on my games PC, and I only had to disable half of the cores in my processor to do it. The bad news is that the events of this second part of the diary were played on crappy laptop integrated graphics before I’d found the fix, so the ugly screenshots will once again destroy your will to live. All will be visually well from part 3 onwards, however.

Part 1 of this series is here, and the Risen 1 Report is here. Plot spoilers in this one, btw.

My freedom did not last. Evil Pirate Porn Star Sister Patty – I’m not sure yet if I’m Selma or Marge – is back at my heels, scoffing and bragging and bellowing impolite assertions about the parentage of passing monkeys, and I’ve got a terrible dilemma on my hands.
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 1: Boobpirate vs Hulk Chicken

Editor’s wibble – I’d hoped to have a full Wot I Think of Risen 3: Titan Lords, Piranha Bytes’ latest openish world RPG by now, but sadly code has been incompatible with my PC. I have been able to play it in short bursts on a laptop with lousy integrated graphics, but there was only so much low-detail 20FPS play I could stand before needing a lie down. However, I am ready to tell of my earliest adventures in its world of pirates, monsters and magic, as The Risen Report returns.

I’m a pirate. I’m on a boat. There’s a fight. I’m on the shore. A beach. An island. A quest for lost treasure. A sister.
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