The Room Of Wildly Compelling Secrets

Whoa, you stumbled across a completely hidden, impossibly out-of-the-way room. You're probably the only person who will ever accomplish this. Feel proud. You worked hard to get this far. This is probably the single most significant thing you will ever accomplish with your pitiful, woefully aimless life.

Welp, guess that's that, then. I'll just leave you here to ruminate on that and all your other life choices. Oh, congratulations and stuff. Gonna show myself the door now.