Really, despite appearances, I couldn’t be less interested in Red Alert 3. That’s a game for the other three to get all excited about, while I’m playing something about crying. But they keep releasing increasingly ridiculous videos, and that gets my attention. The latest, below, it’s on a whole new level. It’s a sort of late 80s “dance remix” of various actors saying their hackneyed lines. Yeah, resist clicking “more” now, suckers.
It’s a good job RPS has already been as misogynistic about this as possible, because otherwise I’d have to make some comment about quite how lamely they went out of their way to pick old men and young, hot girls.
Which is proving more than housemate, PC Gamer’s Craig Pearson, can cope with. Seeing his betrothed, Crush Fromamericangladiators (beret), doing a little bit of the cage fight kick boxing that only he is sad enough to know she does professionally, is making him go all funny in his tummy.
Also, for extra geek cred, note that the other fake Russian, Ivana Milicevic (she’s actually Bosnian/Croatian), is the “other” Amber in season four of House. (I carefully avoid spoilers in a cunning fashion, there). And will one day be my wife.
Um, I’m rambling. But then, unlike Kieron and Leigh, I also know who Jonathan Pryce and George Takei are.
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My mind, it has been broken.
This makes my memories seem crunchier.
I must say nice. And as a hip 21 year old from North America world, I clearly am more suited than everyone else here to judge it!
North America World sounds like the best theme park ever.
Also, memories are naturally crunchy. You should be alright.
“doing a little bit of the cage fight kick boxing that only he is sad enough to know she does professionally”
Well she did fight on network television (CBS), during prime time hours no less.
my goodness! it’s the dude from lost!
…and other things probably.
I think watching that left me just a little bit stupider than before, as if my brain cells were committing suicide en masse to escape the terror.
Why go to the effort of making a game at all? Why not just splice porn footage with pictures of shit blowing up for several hours?
Awesome sauce for everyone!
That’s stupid, they’re already acting as to be included. It would have been ten times better if they used footage that wasn’t meant to go into this remix. Fail.
Gemma Atkinson is hot though.
Some of you guys take things way to seriously. It made me grin.
I did not like it, it was horrible! Needs more groove.
Idea is great i bet there will be some remix of it on youtube worth watching.
But if you watch it with sound off man it is pretty good then!
That blonde commando woman is horrid.
It’s good to see she still has time to do her hair and makeup in the field though.
Myros: Oh, it wasn’t the silliness that I objected to – it was the horrible execution.
GINA
GINA CARANO.
Beret from American Gladiators? jesus wept.
It has George Takei saying “all your base are belong to us” in it. HOW CAN YOU DISLIKE THIS RPS?! I only want this because it has George Takei in it.
Full. Of. Win.
Peter Stormare <3
That is wrong in so many ways. But still awesome!
I’m never going to buy this game, that said..
“Armoured Dolphins”
Is this a promise they can follow up on? If so, the game is 250% more appealing.
Oh.. Sweet.. Divine…..
MY BRAIN!
It has George Takei and Peter Stormare. Unless they slap some idiotic DRM on this I’m buying it.
The videos are exactly as cheesy as I remember them from earlier Red Alerts.
Actually, armoured dolphins were already in RA2!! And looking back at it, anyone remember the MAD tank from one of the original expansions, or the giant ant mission? So maby it all fits in quite well.
Oh dear god, that was atrocious!
RA 1 was not cheesy.
…
okay. a bit maybe. but it was grim and dark and awesome.
this is just wrong.
This game’s PR is getting so ridiculously over the top it’s almost making me interested in it. They’re shameless.
@Lukasz: Indeed. It was grim, dark, cheesy AND awesome. That’s how a like my Red Alerts.
Can’t…. stop… watching.
“Was worth a look purely for Takai saying “All your base are belong to us” and ‘The Bloke From the VW Commercial (And To A Lesser Extent Prison Break, I Guess)‘ saying “Armoured dolphins.””
It’s Peter Stormare man! The devil in Constantine?! No?!
(Oh, and I love this.)
If the game includes a Japanese in a cinematic saying “All your base are belong to us” I think it’s over +5 in any over 10 score just for the lulz factor.
Anyway, U.S.A. used dolphins with mines in a war (I think it was in the second world war against japanese), so it’s not so stupid.
Oh, and yeah, there are bratty girls. Does anyone actually care about it? Yes, theyr’e hot, but…
I might actually do an upgrade just to play the thing with more of this…
My brain exploded, my eyeballs popped out.. Must.. watch.. again..
I LOVE THE SOVIET GIRLS! RUSSIA FTW!!!
Seriously.
All your bases are belong to us – awesome! :D
The more I watch this, the more I love it. Totally cheesy, but everyone’s having fun being cheesy in it. Also, the Empire of the Rising Sun units look fantastic, so that’s a guaranteed purchase here.
Damn I wanna get the game now!
Well that was… painful.
Dance remixes and internet memes: they’re obviously trying to establish the new lowest common denominator.
omg, that dragunov looks so fake…
wtf just happened…i think my eyes have been raped