A Dad In A Dungeon: Part Two

I like this snail so much I used it again.

In the second part of my dad’s adventures in Legend Of Grimrock (you can read part one here) we learn why my dad never goes anywhere in games and takes three million years to finish them. We also learn that he’s putting off writing about the bit where he got stuck and had to have me do it for him. To the dungeons!

Where was I? Ah yes, home!

Well, you know how snails are a bit slimy but they say they taste okay, if a bit crunchy, if you add enough garlic to the butter… well, downstairs things got a bit frantic. Urrrrgh, SPIDERS! Poisonous spiders! Nasty things, and they keep reappearing, and you can’t eat them.

Down on Level 3 a closable door is a great source of comfort. But do check that there isn’t another route to your side of the door – no sooner do you think you’ve cleared out an area and settled down for a much needed doze than you are rudely awakened by one of these quite dreadful things tapping you somewhat less than politely on the shoulder.

Furthermore, I don’t know what these green things are. They look like some sort of plants but they have cobwebs on them, and whenever I leave them alone – if they aren’t in my way – I soon get taken by surprise by more spiders where no spiders had been since I knocked off the spiders that were there before I arrived. Are you still with me? The spiders most certainly are. So, I thought, maybe the cobwebs are a clue. Hmmmm, what if they are spiders’ eggs? So I adopted the Joe Stalinesque approach to gardening.

Then I found a note, something about watching my back because the spiders are everywhere. Well, thanks a bundle for telling me. I might never have noticed otherwise.

Oh? Did I mention that I decided to restart? I’m good at that. (I can hear the Junior Branch groaning even as I write – how many times did I restart Civilization?). [He’s not wrong. It’s a wonder he gets past the middle of any game – Son/Ed] Anyway, now I had an all human gang [Speciesist – Son/Ed], two fighters up front, a Roguish female and a Sorcerer, and gave them all a poison resistant attribute. I’m really not sure it helps all that much, but it made me feel better (a bit like being a Redguard in Skyrim).

Then came one of those dratted reaction-time thingummees. You know, press a button, rush round the corner and through a door, which closes behind you – and here are multiple spiders. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

My goodness, those ice bombs are useful – but isn’t it rather unsporting to be knocking seven colours of brick dust out of the poor thing while it is still frozen solid? Now, I wonder if I should have saved that ice bomb for, er, maybe I should reload the save position and redo that bit. (Is this another groan I hear before me?)

Anyway, jumping into pits – because they are there – sometimes reveals stuff down there, useful stuff, or at least stuff that might be useful eventually, when I have enough points to use it, possibly, one day. And sometimes it just gives you a headache followed by ravening hordes!

I’m carting around all this stuff that either was useful, is useful or might be useful one day. Gosh! I have an attic like this! Dungeon Master was the same – an exercise in packing at times. Perhaps I should declutter, but you never know when you may need it.

I opened a wall and found some stairs down, opened a door, and there was The Blob. Lots of Blobs. Nasty, diseased things. Ugh! Um? Maybe later? Perhaps there’s another way down? Phew?

I wonder what’s down below, shall we go and find out? Oh!

Part Three had better start fessing up to all the complaining John’s had to put up with for the last fortnight, soon.


  1. iGark says:

    I’m really enjoying this series. How old is the author, out of curiosity?

  2. NathanH says:

    I had exactly the same response to the Stairway To Blobs.

    • lasikbear says:

      I was so excited by it, finally monsters that were really really easy to see after all those spiders sneaking about.

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        Bluerps says:

        Yeah. And then my whole party was diseased and/or dead.

        • Soon says:

          There’s a cunning trick to those blobs dot dot dot

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            Bluerps says:

            There is?
            I managed to kill all of them after a few tries, but there was nothing cunning about it – just the usual ranged combat and dogding.

          • Soon says:

            Or you could do that, I guess.

          • AgentTBC says:

            Share with the rest of the class? I went with the straightforward beatdown approach but it did seem a little overly difficult for the level. It would make sense that there was a better approach.

            Does it have to do with this map note I found with a picture of a slime on it? I never figured out what that was for.

          • Archonsod says:

            I just made do with kiting them to the door one at a time and slaughtering them, shutting the door whenever I needed a nap.

          • Soon says:

            Ah, sorry. Was just trying to remain spoiler free, even if it’s minor. I think most RPGers will be tempted to kite them all anyway for the exp, but try turning out the lights.

    • felisc says:

      I backed away immediatly after coming down those stairs. I preferred using the stairs at the end of the level… Did i miss something ? Should i go back to green blobby district ? This stupid question has been flying above my head for the whole day.

      • Soon says:

        It’s an optional area with a secret and (as far as I know) those stairs are the only way down. The blobs are intentionally tough for your current party, so you can either resort to tedious run and revives or come up with an alternative which was a bit of an “ahhh” moment.

    • The V Man says:

      Ah yes, Stairway to Blobs – Led Zepplin’s original, lesser known, rock ballad.

    • solosnake says:

      I demand spoilers warnings from here on in. I think I am about to enter this “blob” area of the game…

  3. Uglycat says:

    The spider level (are there more?) is the most irritating level I’ve encountered so far. I cannot remember the number of times I’ve had to reload ;(

  4. andytizer says:

    If anyone is having technical issues with Legend of Grimrock, check out this page of fixes and workarounds: link to pcgamingwiki.com

    • jon_hill987 says:

      Really? A kick-starter for a Wiki? The whole point of a Wiki is they cost sod all as they are written by the readers.

  5. Maldomel says:

    Dem spiders :(
    I have yet to even reach level 3, but the sheer thought of those things everywhere is putting me off. I mean, aracnophobia and all.

    • dogsolitude_uk says:

      I feel your pain. I have a highly irrational phobia of snails, and have actually not bought this game because of them! I can’t watch TV programmes with giant African snails in, for example, and if I see one whilst gardening I have to give it a wide berth. The picture at the top of this article freaked me out a bit…

    • FunkyBadger3 says:

      I find them “not too bad” unless they suprise me, in which case I fear-prance halfway across the room. But that only happens when they sneak up behind me, or I drop on them.

      Focus on the character portraits is my suggestion. Really though, they’re not as bad as the ones in Minecraft.

      • Was Neurotic says:

        Yes! Why is that though? The MC spiders make me shit every time, while the LoG ones – beautifully textured and animated as they are – just incite my bloodlust. Crazy.

    • Severn2j says:

      You may find this forum post helpful (link to grimrock.net).

      A python script that replaces the spiders with green slime, although you have to start a new game for it to work apparently. I haven’t tried it yet, but as a fully paid up arachnophobe, Ill be sure to try this out.

      Incidentally, MC spiders dont bother me, but I’m quite bothered by Skyrim’s Frostspiders, and extremely bothered by HL’s black headcrabs.

  6. Max.I.Candy says:

    finally a game in which i am actually looking forward to the DLC.
    tbh i was a bit dissapointed to hear they havent started on a new dungeon yet and were waiting.

  7. DrScuttles says:

    Ah, the wretched curse of reloading a save because you might need that magical McGuffin of +3 Kill All the Things. Later. Maybe. But reload just in case. And then complete the game never having touched it.
    I’m trying to kick the habit, but it’s tricky.

    Anyway, I’m enjoying this diary. Looking forward to more.

  8. oceanclub says:

    I’ve only gotten to level 3 and suddenly difficulty goes up several notches. Can one backtrack? I’m _hoping_ there were secrets I’ve missed. If not, I think I’m screwed.

    I’ve been revisiting DE:HX: The Missing Link as displacement activity.

    Oh, and anyone with an iPhone who wants DM-style goodness should down the FREE “Undercroft”. Absolutely great game, to the extent that I lost my saved when upgrading my phone but didn’t mind replaying from the start.


    • Phantoon says:

      There’s a point in… level 5? 6? Where you can no longer backtrack to the previous levels.

      It’s not long after you find a sign that says “point of no return”.

      • MonolithicTentacledAbomination says:

        What??? Then how am I going to get to that room on level 5 where I see a cuirass on the ground, but is clearly inaccessible from either above or on the same level? I’ve decided that I need to find a stairs UP from level 6 somewhere…

        • psyk says:

          Trapped(?) is the point you can’t go back (don’t walk in and set the pressure plate off if you want to go back).

          You go down the stairs and opposite you should be some gold writing on the wall.

      • ostermei says:

        Not sure if I triggered a secret or what, but once I had cleared out that level, the door/wall blocking the up staircase opened up again for me… I was able to backtrack all the way to level 1 after I had made it down to maybe 7 or 8. (I had stashed my Lurker Boots back on 1 and decided later that I wanted them once I got the rest of the set :)

      • John Walker says:

        No, that’s not true. You basically go left and left again and you get back to everything. It’s the game messing with you.

      • Was Neurotic says:

        Yah, John’s right there. A wall in the room with the second dragon statue eventually opens up, and the whole level is yours again. I still haven’t worked out how to open that gate there though, and also the gated room with the gardening shears in it.

  9. wodin says:

    For me the game was ruined by the puzzles…shame.

  10. Nallen says:

    I love these :) makes me wonder how my 63 y/o dad would be getting on with it.

    Mildly spoilerific though, better start playing it a bit more.

    • jonfitt says:

      I’m being facetious but:
      SPOLIER WARNING Dungeon crawler contains venomous spiders, blobs, stairs, and ice spell/potion.


  11. Radiant says:

    Want to troll John’s father…

  12. psyk says:

    Got over spiders but the crabs, DAMN YOU CRABS.

  13. lowprices says:

    I quite literally laughed out loud at John being called “The Junior Branch”. Can we have more things written by Walker the Elder?

  14. LionsPhil says:

    Those spider mouthparts don’t look right. It’s more like some madman took a giant spider body then grafted a hippo’s head and hatred of all things onto it.

  15. adonf says:

    “snails are a bit slimy but they say they taste okay, if a bit crunchy”

    You’re not supposed to eat the shell.

  16. pertusaria says:

    Got as far as my first fight with a humanoid, then my minotaur died. Back to the last save.

    (Pointless gender thing here, but I’m glad there’s a female minotaur. Presumably there are female lizards and insectoids, but I’ll let the lizard and bug people worry about that one.)

    Also, I think I left something in the first room before I figured out how to pick stuff up off the ground, and it’s kind of gnawing at me. Other than that, everything’s hunky-dory.

    • Harlander says:

      I have it on good* authority that the lizards are Cnemidophorus neomexicanus sapiens, and as such are all female.

      *i.e my own completely made up

  17. rockman29 says:

    Thanks for the article and laugh Walker buddies :)

  18. ImOnTheRadio says:

    Your father is a great writer, I love these. My first thought was, how could a (small) wall of text about someone playing Grimrock be interesting? I was certainly proved wrong. Hope he keeps doing them for a while, and let’s hope he doesn’t restart the game too often :)

  19. MythArcana says:

    I fell in and out of love with this game much faster than I thought I would. I fell out of love with the world pretty much on schedule, though.

  20. Grey_Ghost says:

    I like this game, but it’s not as Eye of the Beholder-y as I once thought it was going to be. EotB seems more advanced than this game (except for the graphics), and I prefer it’s gameplay over LoG. I miss recruiting more party members, the spell system, dual wielding, etcetera.