BioShock: The Collection Is A Thing, But More Importantly, Sea-Life Facts!

BioShock: The Collection is the deeply uninspiring name for a bundle of all the previous BioShock games that for some reason 2K are still refusing to acknowledge. It’s now been rated by bodies around the world, including the ESRB, and yet 2K still remain schtum. Which is weird. Anyway, it’ll contain all three games, and in case you’ve forgotten, “Cutscenes also depict intense acts of violence,” and the c-word makes appearances. All games should be announced by the ESRB! It’ll potentially have had a little brush up and tidy, to look prettier on the young people’s modern consoles, but that’s not yet confirmed. Right, I’ve somehow included all the news about this above the jump, so join me for some fascinating sea-life facts below. BioShock is set in the sea, and that’s my excuse.

Sand tiger sharks perform in-utero cannibalism. That is to say, baby tiger sharks eat each other inside their mummy’s tummy. Whichever is biggest will eat all the others but one. Why does he do this? He’s eating babies from other tiger shark daddies, in order to ensure his genes prevail. Why does he keep one? Because only-child tiger sharks are just the worst.

Lobsters probably aren’t actually immortal. There’s all sorts of debate about this, with some scientists saying they’ve proof that lobster teleomeres don’t degrade and that they only die because of predation, while others throw down that there’s no proof of this, and then things get nasty. But it seems the main consensus is that lobsters have a few ways to die of natural causes, most likely their annual shedding of their shell, which the larger they get (they never stop growing throughout their terrifying lives) becomes a more stressful and energy-consuming activity. It seems that eventually they’ll just die of exhaustion when putting on some fresh clothes. Still, the evil bastards can still live for over 100 years, and they only grow more horny.

Moon jellyfish like peanut butter. There are so many ridiculous facts about jellyfish, or “jellies” as we should more properly call these non-fish – indeed, some claim the Turritopsis nutricula actually is immortal, thanks to its ability to reverse its growth and return to its polyp stage via transdifferentiation, then regrow back into an adult jelly again. But the reason the peanut butter fact overrules all others is because it was discovered simply because some goofball scientists wanted to make a “peanut butter jellyfish” because they thought it was funny. Dallas Zoo, everybody. They mixed peanut butter with salt water, and the glowing jellies tucked in, eventually turning brown as a result.

Seahorses don’t have a stomach, so have to constantly eat to stay alive. The poor little blights can eat up to 3,000 brine shrimp a day, because of their evolutionary choices, tummiless as they are. They’re ridiculous creatures, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if eventually someone admitted that they were clockwork toys they’d made as a joke and then things got out of hand. They do an eight-hour courtship dance, despite mating for life, then swim around in pairs holding hands (well, tails). And yes, of course, they’re the only animal where the males bear the young (but they’re not actually pregnant – they just carry the fertilized eggs from the female in their pouch.)

Blobfish aren’t actually that ugly. Poor old blobfish may have been a recent internet sensation for their grotesque appearance and comic round nose-like protrusion, but they’re getting a hard deal. Those are photos of the sad-looking beasts when they’re out of the water, at pressure levels 118 times lower than they’re used to. Imagine what you’d look like if you were that loosy-goosy. No one’s actually taken a photo of one on the sea floor, because they live 3,900 feet below the waves, and that, science fans, is quite deep. But experts in labcoats reckon they would look far more ordinary, with flat tails and spikes all over their bodies.

Yeah, 2K will likely acknowledge they’re releasing BioShock in a bundle at some point I guess.

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15 Comments

  1. frogmanalien says:

    My favourite Bundle Game Re-Release Preview ever. Plus I learnt something (although I’m not sure if I believe it- I expect several hours of wasted time will follow this in the “game of time wasting” I like to call wikipedia)

    • John Walker says:

      I promise it’s all true (I’ve sourced it all except the seahorse stuff as it was a bit scattered). This is an International Lying Day Free Zone.

      • Cooper says:

        Every time I see a seahorse my atheism gets challenged and I get a step closer to being convinced that there is an organising / creative force behind the universe but that far from being organised, this force has a quite wonderful sense of the absurd.

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    Oakreef says:

    When I saw the title I was expected a post from Pip not John.

    • Rizlar says:

      I read the entire article thinking it was Pip, only questioned it when John popped up in the comments.

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        DelrueOfDetroit says:

        Wait… had anyone ever seen John and Pip together in the same room?

        :o

  3. IshuTwar says:

    Another interesting sea-life fact is that scientists could successfully prove that simple fish species (like snapper) can feel stress but they could not prove that they can feel pain because their nerve system is so simple. Amazing, is’n it?!

  4. GWOP says:

    Here’s a fun fact: fishes have vertical tail fins because their wormy ancestors slithered on the seafloor, undulating side by side. Whales, on the other hand, used to be terrestrial animals whose striding limbs on land caused their spines to flex up and down, which ultimately gave them horizontal tail fins.

  5. Anthile says:

    The creature known as geoduck is actually pronounced “gooeyduck”. It’s also the lewdest looking sea animal there is.

  6. XxBrentos9xX says:

    Did I just learn real facts on April fools? Wtf is happening?

  7. GWOP says:

    Another fun fact: the Glaucus atlanticus, or the Blue Dragon, is not in fact an airship from a Final Fantasy game, but a real underwater creature.

  8. pepperfez says:

    RPS is the last site I would have expected to have a picture of Ted Cruz on the front page.

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    DelrueOfDetroit says:

    The male angler fish latches onto a female where it then spends its entire life as a sperm producing organ.

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    Dragen says:

    Those were some great sea-life facts, thank you!