Five Nights at Freddy’s movie coming from Home Alone director Chris Columbus

FNAFMovie

Horror is one of my great obsessions. Comics, movies, literature, I don’t care what form it comes in as long as it has a chance of scaring me half to death. But what about films based on games? At this point, those of us who occupy the obscure section of the Venn diagram of life that includes fans of horror game-to-movie conversions are so artistically starved we’re practically skellingtons. Having said that, Silent Hill was alright, I suppose.

Perhaps a movie adaptation of Five Nights at Freddy’s can nourish us. Blumhouse, the studio that most recently garnered critical acclaim for Get Out, following earlier spooky success with Paranormal Activity and Insidious, acquired the film rights about a year ago, and a tweet has revealed that they’ve given the director’s chair to Chris Columbus.

FreddyChrisColumbus

The veteran director, who is perhaps best known for his work on the first two Harry Potter movies, was also at the helm for a lot of nineties comedies, including Mrs Doubtfire, Home Alone and probably the most ridiculous Christmas movie ever, Jingle All the Way. It’s unclear at this point whether his adaptation of FNAF will include an ageing Arnold Schwarzenegger fighting middle-aged women in a toy store, but if it does, they’ve sold at least one ticket for opening night.

Having said that, Chris Columbus’ writing credits involve a number of iconic kid-friendly movies, including the awesome Goonies, and FNAF has been wildly popular with younger gamers. It remains to be seen just how he’ll approach the surprisingly story-rich universe of the FNAF games, and just how family-friendly the results will be, but you can definitely color me intrigued.

13 Comments

  1. Delta593 says:

    Interested to see how this could work.
    This’ll be a pretty boring movie if all it is, is some guy sitting in a chair weeing himself for five nights while slamming doors on robots that just want a hug.

    • Vodka, Crisps, Plutonium says:

      Chris Columbus is one poor bastard, chewed out through the Hollywood machine because of his success with Home Alone. He basically was asked to do nothing, but HA rip-offs and I feel that the great potential was stomped out for just to satisfy the needs of the Great Conveyor Belt.
      Oh, and if anybody interested, watch Macaluay Culkin’s recent homage to Home Alone on Youtube – the ending scream, particularly, is so spot-on and f&%^*ng hilarious!

  2. Vodka, Crisps, Plutonium says:

    Also, that strikes me as a cheapest imaginable marketing blurb, the likes of when they slapped John Carpenter’s slap of approval across the FEAR 3 cutscenes.
    The problem is – those cutscenes looked nothing LIKE The Thing or even They Live!

  3. keefybabe says:

    FNAF DGAF

  4. Premium User Badge

    Drib says:

    Can it just be a series of youtubers overreacting and screaming and crying and rolling around on the floor because a light blinked in a pre-rendered background?

    That’s what FNAF is about, judging by the fandom. Well, that, and animatronics boning one another.

  5. jfultz says:

    Something which I was unaware of until a couple of months ago…FNAF merchandising is A Thing. And not in a small way. Action figures, plushies, kids pajamas/shirts/underwear/socks, lunchboxes, books, soundtracks, pencil toppers. PENCIL TOPPERS. Seriously, is this how we end?

    • Nevard says:

      I think I’m missing what’s supposed to be bad about this.
      Like sure we live in a massively consumerist capitalist society… but why is the FNAF merchandise where the line is drawn? Character pencil toppers are hardly a new trend.

      • April March says:

        You see, it’s OK when people create merchandise of things I personally like, but of things I personally don’t… that’s MADNESS!

      • Premium User Badge

        Drib says:

        Well, it’s decidedly not a game for kids. Those items, a fair number of the ones listed, are aimed at children. It’s like putting out porn star pencil toppers where you jam the eraser up them. The age ranges for the item and the topic being depicted don’t line up well.

        • Jalan says:

          For some reason, I seriously believed someone must’ve done that pencil topper thing by now. I… was compelled to check. Unless there’s something deeper than the surface that I’ve looked, so far no one has attempted to capitalize on that. Not that the market would be so wide it’d make them loads of money, but it seems like the thing that someone at some point in the last 2-3 decades would’ve said to themselves “you know what would be funny and unheard of?” and just went forward with it (whether it looked atrocious or not).

  6. MikoSquiz says:

    His lack of horror experience is slightly worrying, but this could be good. I haven’t really been following the series, but the basic story premise seems entirely functional for a movie: An animatronic entertainer at a children’s restaurant bites someone, it gets hushed up, then years later four children disappear at the restaurant – and subsequently four of the animatronics start moving around at night, periodically oozing a foul-smelling unidentified liquid. Grainy staticky surveillance camera footage with occasional jumpscares, go.

  7. Merus says:

    Blumhouse is kind of fascinating, as a production house: they’re known for their strict budgeting (you get a few million and that’s it), they tend to do horror because you can do horror cheap and it’ll probably find an audience that will collectively pay a few million to see it, and they’re a lot freer with equity than the rest of Hollywood is.

    Blumhouse make a lot of low-cost bets, cheap enough that few of them will lose a lot, and sometimes they roll a Get Out and win big. Based on that, I’m guessing the FNAF movie will lean heavily on the screens and power management stuff to avoid as many expensive effects shots as possible, which is probably for the best because there’s no way killer animatronics are going to look menacing on screen.

  8. unraveler says:

    Welp, gore was never the highlight of FNAF, so I don’t really think that a not-R rated will ruin the movie.