If you click on a link and make a purchase we may receive a small commission. Learn more.

Bucket Detective combats writer's block with cult rituals

Beyond the pail

Bucket Detective [official site] - a comedy/horror game by the creator of The Static Speaks My Name - is out today. Given Adam called The Static Speaks My Name "possibly the funniest game I've played this year" in his 2015 roundup I have high hopes for Bucket Detective.

As per the Steam description, it's a mostly linear game where you "Help a cult complete a strange ritual in exchange for divine inspiration to finish writing your terrible novel."

Given I haven't even started writing my terrible novel, perhaps I should be helping cults with their strange rituals a bit more in real life.

The game itself is out on Steam and Itch.io ($3.99 on both or £2.79 on Ye Olde Britishe Versione Of Steame)

In the meantime I leave you with the interminable bucket-problems of Liza and Henry - a duo sorely in need of their own bucket detective:

There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.

The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.

Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The axe is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it.

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, with water.

In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, in what?

In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, in a bucket.

But there's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

Actually, I'm going to play bucket detective here. Put the stone in the bucket, then lower it into the well, then you have a wet stone and the problem is solved. FOR GOODNESS SAKE, HENRY. USE YOUR NOODLE.

Join the Rock Paper Shotgun supporter program

Sign up today and get access to more articles like these, an ad-free reading experience, free gifts, and help us create more great writing about PC games.

See more information

Comments

We love having a friendly, positive and constructive community - you lot are great - and we want to keep it like that. Our main commenting rule is "be excellent to each other". Please see our code of conduct, where you can find out what "be excellent" means. TL;DR? Respect others, think before you post, and be prepared for puns.

More News

Latest Articles

We've been talking, and we think that you should wear clothes

Total coincidence, but we sell some clothes

Rock Paper Shotgun Merch