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Call Of Duty Online Is More Call Of Duty Than Call Of Duty

Robot zombie army. Robot zombie dogs!

Word of warning: you probably cannot (easily) access Call of Duty Online. It's a free-to-play extension of Activision's cash cow that lays golden eggs, and it's tailor-made for Chinese markets. That said, I simply must share this trailer with you, because it's the most Call-of-Duty related Call of Duty thing I've seen in a long time. Two words: robot zombies.

The mode in question, of course, is akin to Treyarch's zombies and Infinity Ward's aliens. But it gets better. Did you hear that bit at the end of the trailer? The song is made of gun sounds.

Let me repeat that: Call of Duty Online's theme song is guns. Rhythmic, parading, stampeding guns. Bursts and streams. Waterfalls and rivulets. That is so close to being self-aware that, well, surely Call of Duty's gonna get there someday, right? Right?

And who is that crazy loose-cannon maverick zombie-robot-fighting cowboy soldier? I don't know, but based on the few seconds I've seen of him, I can already safely say that he's my favorite CoD hero of all time. I bet his name is Flintlock Nantucket, and he only believes in three things: the good ol' US of A, Jesus, and the kill. He puts on his pants two legs at a time, because anything less would - in his eyes - be an utter disgrace. He's a busy man, a hardened man, a man whose soft side only emerges when you tear it still-beating from his scarred torso.

But he doesn't have a dog of his own to combat that assuredly mighty robo-pooch. Oh well, can't win 'em all. Not even if you're Flintlock Nantucket. But mark my words: he will be back. Or die trying. *Transformers sound*

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