"You used to call me on my cell phone," announced ESL in a press release.
No wait, I have Drake stuck in my head. He is the one banging on about a girl not phoning him anymore and being tedious about it. ESL were getting in touch about the 2016 dates for their mega Counter-Strike: Global Offensive tournament, ESL One Cologne.
It'll be taking place in Cologne's LANXESS arena again from 8-10 July and features a beefy $250,000 total prize money.
Although while we're on the subject ESL did used to call me on my cell phone very occasionally although only during office hours. We now conduct most of our business over email which seems to work well. I don't spend my evening fretting that ESL is off clubbing with other esports people or drinking champagne and wearing very little because that would be WEIRD and inappropriately possessive. I'm also not wondering if ESL is rolling up a backwoods for someone else but that's partly because I don't understand what that line actually means.
Where was I?
Oh yes. The email had a section about last year's official stats which is useful information to have to hand but I rather liked the phrasing:
"Online, over 27 million unique viewers watched the legendary tournament for a combined total of close to 34 million hours consumed, with a peak concurrent viewership of over 1.3 million."
It's the idea of "34 million hours consumed". It put me in mind of these lines from the Edward Young poem Night Thoughts:
The bell strikes one: we take no note of time,
But from its loss. To give it, then, a tongue,
Is wise in man. As if an angel spoke,
I feel the solemn sound. If heard aright,
It is the knell of my departed hours:
Where are they? With the years beyond the flood.
If you wanted to consume some hours in 2016 the tickets go on sale 9 December with prices starting at €39.90 for general entry and rising to €2,999 which is "for the Global Elite Experience with private lounge access". You can find more info on the ESL One website.
I would like to find out more about this private lounge access because technically if I were watching ESL One Cologne on Twitch at home I would have private lounge access simply by going downstairs and standing in my living room. I bet Drake would be thoroughly obsessed about what ESL might be up to in a private lounge. Maybe he'll buy one of those expensive tickets.