Squirt 'Em Up: Firefighters 2014 Now Steaming

Being a video game firefighter sounds very exciting in theory. You'd have lots of exciting gadgets to play with, lots of bright and colourful flames making soothing crackling noises, lovely thick smoke to wander through, and a big hose to spray water everywhere. That sounds great!

Sadly more sim-y than the colourful wonderland I'm imagining, Firefighters 2014 was released this week. It's made by a German studio so you know it takes this simming seriously, while if I'm honest I'd probably be happy spraying a garden hose around some shrubs while listening to The Crazy World of Arthur Brown. That may be my plan for this weekend, actually.

Firefighters 2014 covers the full spectrum of German firefighter duties from forest to city. As well as putting out the fires one would expect, they also get to cut people out of wrecked cars, pump out flooded basements, and--I do so very much hope--rescue cats from trees. It's all an excuse to play with cool gadgets and drive fancy vehicles bristling with water cannons and ladders really, isn't it.

Steam player reviews make it sound pretty buggy and a bit wonky, though I've always assumed that was a given with sims. As they try to cram in so many exciting things they don't have the time or budget to do many of them well, was my understanding. Would-be players hardly have the pick of a dozen different woodcutting simulators each year, so they need to either swallow their lumberjack dreams or gulp down the distasteful game soup and this mixed metaphor works so poorly I'll quickly end it and we'll all pretend this didn't happen.

If you do want to give it a go, Firefighters 2014 is on Steam. A launch discount brings it to £12.74.