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I Would Pay...

I would pay...

£3 a month for all tutorials to not explain how to move the mouse, but rather explain key aspects unique to their game.

£21 for all tutorials to not freeze the action while I'm trying to do the required task in order to tell me how to do the required task.

£45 for every company logo screen at the start of a game to be skippable, forever.

£37 to never read another article about the death of the adventure game (go buy Time Gentlemen, Please this bloody instant).

An extra £10 for a version of Burnout: Paradise that loaded straight to the car on the road, and not the 47 screens I have to click through.

An extra £5 on top of that for it to never play Guns N' Roses at me ever again.

£100 to never hear Paradise City by Guns N' Roses ever again, anywhere.

£25 for there to never be another Leisure Suit Larry game.

£41 to never read another forum post informing me that all games critics are corrupt and take bribes and only write positive things if they've been paid.

£30 for someone to make a version of (the completely fantastic) DOSbox I can halfway begin to understand (because I am very stupid).

£55 for all games to have an option to switch subtitles on and switch voice acting off.

An extra £10 for any MMO that will give me a (worthwhile) mount from level 1.

£4.50 on top of any game price to have female characters with realistic breasts, possibly wearing baggy clothes.

£48 to ensure no game ever again takes away all my powers at any point.

£200 for all boss fights to be removed from all games forever.

Um. I've got four million more of these. What are you willing to pay for, readers?

About the Author

John Walker avatar

John Walker

Disposable

Once one of the original co-founders of Rock Paper Shotgun, they killed me out of jealousy. I now run buried-treasure.org

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