Plunkblight hits Russia, much of Europe

Scientists have confirmed that the circle-chasing murder fever they refer to as PUBG Lite has today spread to Russia and "several European countries".

PUBG Corp, the developers behind its creation, predicted this outcome several weeks ago, much as they did before its appearances in other regions.

The Plunkblight first appeared as an isolated case in Thailand this January. Described as a low-grade form of the far more potent Plunkbat, its modest profile and ease of transmission nonetheless proved every bit as virulent as its unmutated form. Mere weeks later it had spread to Indonesia, Singapore and even Bangladesh, sparking rumours all of Asia might fall to the outbreak.

Its spread was steady throughout the start of the year, reaching Hong Kong and Taiwan in late March. By late May doctors as far as Turkey and even Brazil were reporting cases. Despite all efforts to halt the spread of the condition, it has now reached countries including Poland, Spain, Sweden, and even the UK. A full list of affected countries has been compiled by pro-blight extremists. A pandemic seems inevitable, although has not yet been formally declared.

But what is Plunkblight? It's like the main one, but it runs on laptops and low-spec PCs, essentially. "A version of the game designed to run with much lower hardware requirements," explained RPS health correspondent Dr. Costello, "They’ve also lowered the monetary requirement about as far as it’ll go, making this version of the game free-to-play." Other common names for the condition include "PUBG", "Playerunknown's Battlegrounds", although officials mostly insist on the formal "PUBG Lite".

Authorities in North America stress that there is nothing to fear for their own citizens, echoing earlier, failed attempts by our own politicians to prevent a mass panic. Skeptics, including our own Alice O, point out that its appearance in Europe makes a transatlantic spread all but inevitable. The Plunkblight is coming. It cannot be stopped.

It can currently be contracted via PUBG Corp at no charge. Users simply download the standalone installer and their fate is sealed.