ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK

ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK no, I know that guy didn't find it funny the first time today so I'll stop now.

But! There is a sequel to Robot Unicorn Attack, the most important videogame ever to feature an Erasure soundtrack. No, scratch that, the most important videogame ever. I discover this within the same hour that I discover there is to be a new, and faithful adaptation of Space Hulk, which makes today The Day Of Days. Or at least it would if...

...IF ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK EVOLUTION WASN'T A HORRIFYING TRAVESTY.

Facebook.
Microtransactions.
Slow-mo.
Upgrades.
Pandas.

But it's still Robot Unicorn Attack and it still has Erasure, so I do forgive it somewhat. BUT TRY MY PATIENCE NO MORE, UNICORN GODS.

I don't know who's respsonsible for this, which soulless men of money, suits and contempt took the purest snowflake in gaming and PISSED ALL OVER IT WITH THE TAR-BLACK PISS OF SATAN HIMSELF?

Pay for buffs! In Robot Unicorn Attack! No, actually, I do hate it.

Play the original. Only the original. Only ever.

Important update: there is a microtransaction-free version of the game here. This is the far better way to play it, but does not excuse the devilry of microtransacting the other version.