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The Many Downfalls Of QWOP: Double Hitler

Free toddler-Hitler simulator

File this one under 'physics-based alternate history biography' along with all the others in that particular pile. Double Hitler is a free browser game in which the player controls two toddlers wearing a large coat and pretending to be an adult. Rather than trying to sneak into a movie or dodging truancy punishments by pretending to be their own father, these little tykes decide to join an art school. And when they fluff the entrance exam by scribbling all over the walls in an attempt to copy a drawing of a urinating monkey, they become enraged and act out. By becoming a dictator.

The toddlers are Hitler, controlled QWOP-style.

It's a very short game based around a single gag but it's a good gag. The joke doesn't work quite as well as it might have done if the entire rise and fall had been accidental - a combination of innocence and tantrums - rather than a deliberate act of vengeance, but a toffee-voiced man shouts 'Mein Fuhrer!' in shock whenever the toddlers topple, and that's good enough for me.

Beyond the joke, Double Hitler does a couple of interesting things with the QWOP formula. The legs of the lower child are controlled using two buttons on the keyboard and the leaning of the upper child is controlled using the mouse buttons. It's easy to walk across a room and the tots would be able to outrun a QWOP athlete without breaking a sweat (or their cover). Problem is, walking around isn't enough. They have to do Hitler things, like pumping up a crowd and drawing battleplans on a map. That involves manipulating an arm using the movement of the mouse while maintaining balance and adjusting positionining as necessary.

Here I am playing the game while using obtrusive screen capture software.

Oh lord. I just wrote an entire paragraph about the control system of a game about two children pretending to be Hitler. Or actually being Hitler, I guess, since he obviously didn't exist in the world of Double Hitler. I recorded myself playing it. The more disturbing fact is that I completed it and still haven't finished Mass Effect 1. This is shorter though, to be fair.

Via blame Craig Pearson.

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About the Author

Adam Smith

Former Deputy Editor

Adam wrote for Rock Paper Shotgun between 2011-2018, rising through the ranks to become its Deputy Editor. He now works at Larian Studios on Baldur's Gate 3.