Dota. DayZ. Tropico. Outlast. Banished. These are just words. What do they even mean? And they're video games? I don't understand at all. War, the Game is a name I can support. "What is it?" you ask, so I give you a swift clip round the ear and you should jolly well thank me for not telling your mum about cheek like that. (You've always been a bit away with the faeries, mind, so perhaps I should be clear that it's a slimline global domination RTS made by former Rockstar technical director Obbe Vermeij, who released it on Tuesday.)
War, it turns out, is a straightforward RTS with a minimalist economy and only seven types of units. Who knew! War buffs make it all sound so complicated but no, you have infantry, armour, aircraft carriers, and, ah, whatever the other army men are nowadays. Dogs? Do we still do dogs? Vermeij cites board games like Diplomacy and Axis & Allies as influences.
It's also set on a proper 3D globe to allow all sorts of spherical shenanigans, and you can zoom out to see Earth backlit by the sun, cities lighting up at night, and borders vanishing, making us wonder... why? Why do we fight?
It'll run you £2.99 on Desura. Here's Vermeij himself playing one round: