Nuns On The Run: New Hitman Trailer Is Dumb

By John Walker on May 30th, 2012 at 2:00 pm.

So very tasteful.

A very CGI trailer for the new Hitman is, well, odd. It’s Agent 47 murdering a collection of scantily clad women, who were moments earlier dressed as nuns. It’s a trailer that is to feminism what cricket balls are to genitals. You can watch the Tarantino wet dream below.

It’s “an action-packed thrill ride, reflecting the very special vibe and atmosphere you can expect in HITMAN: ABSOLUTION™ when it launches globally on November 20,” according to the press release.

As a trailer it fails on a few levels. Firstly, on the level of actually trailing anything. Secondly, it’s clearly not a meaningful representation of the game. Thirdly, it’s tacky like a tar-covered glue stick.

But there we go – the sexual fantasy of chaste women revealing their sexuality, immediately before being murdered, is there for us all to enjoy.

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259 Comments »

  1. Premium User Badge

    beekay says:

    “reflecting the very special vibe and atmosphere you can expect in HITMAN: ABSOLUTION™”

    I don’t think anyone could possibly make this sentence any worse than it is.

    Oh my god why.

    • Premium User Badge

      beekay says:

      nnnnnnggggg all they had to do was remake blood money

    • Ultra Superior says:

      Stupid and distasteful. What a faithlure.

    • jimjames says:

      You guys are way too much fun.

    • Chandos says:

      It might have gone something like this:
      Marketing: “You can’t just rely on the old fans to make this a success. You need to reach out to a new generation.”
      Devs: “How?”
      Marketing: “Boobs. No seriously. Boobs and latex.”
      Devs: “But that’s not what Hitman is all about!”
      Marketing: “Right. That’s why we’ll have to reposition the brand to align with a male teenage sociopath’s wet dream. Let me show you the storyboard we have in mind…”

      • DocSeuss says:

        It’s like you’ve never played a Hitman game before. Didn’t they have a whole “party full of scantily-clad people dressed as angels and devils” thing?

        • adam.jutzi says:

          Yes. Yes they did.

          Good times were had by all.

          • BargainOnly_HalfMySoul says:

            I don’t see how this is sexist. It’s not commentary on any kind of status of women or womanhood. It’s an ACTION-Movie trailer, with the expected gratuitous everything. I thought we got used to this kinda stuff ten years ago people. We can enjoy women and men being murdered and being sexy and using religion as a fashion statement. Sex, Violence, And Intelligence, and yes, even sensitivity. This is the game for me. Everything about this video and past absolution trailers have been brilliantly beautiful and slightly edgy. They’re going for sexy violence. Everything is HOT, the guns, the boobs, the muscle, the flames, the water! It’s about living in a shallow world of thieves and basking therefore in the killing of everything in sight with aesthetic pleasure. Religion is over, Feminism is over, Being Offended by media is over. Only real violence and the facade of peace remains. Enjoy the game when it arrives into your eyeballs and ingrains the new norms of lack of R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for human life into your brains- with a LOT of fun :(

          • dash2 says:

            We can enjoy women and men being murdered and being sexy and using religion as a fashion statement. Sex, Violence, And Intelligence, and yes, even sensitivity.

            http://harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=311

        • Premium User Badge

          maninahat says:

          The Hitman games often have scanty women – but they are NOT there for titillation. RPS did an article on it a while back. Basically, wherever 47 goes, the NPCs are often very blatant and extreme about their sexuality, to the point of being quite grotesque. This use of atmosphere convey 47′s perspective as an asexual killing machine who is confused and repulsed by human behaviour.

          The trailer sort of missed the boat on that though. My favourite comment from youtube:
          “HOW 12 YEARS OLD DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO LIKE THIS?”

    • GT3000 says:

      As a Catholic I approve of this trailer.

    • WJonathan says:

      I guess the special vibe they wanted was revulsion?

  2. rapier17 says:

    I tried to think of a pun to start a pun train with, but nun came to mind.

    • Premium User Badge

      JohnArr says:

      We really need to get out of the habit of making pun threads.

      • Premium User Badge

        Llewyn says:

        I agree entirely. But if this is to be the last, let’s send them out with a bang, not a wimple.

        • Premium User Badge

          MacBeth says:

          I must say, that one was superior

          • Fumarole says:

            The trailer would have been improved if one of the nuns chaste him in the car at the end.

        • Conor says:

          I think pun threads are this site’s cross to bear.

          • BargainOnly_HalfMySoul says:

            so much so that my brain has been split. I now hear in real time people speaking to me with the literal meaning of every word, and on the other hand, i’m also running through all the other meanings of every word that ran through my years.

          • Blaaaaaaag says:

            You’ve violated a cardinal rule and used a metaphor.

          • Premium User Badge

            maninahat says:

            From today, we need to sistermatically remove all of these puns.

        • jonfitt says:

          I think abbess thing to do would be to all go and have a nice cup of tea.

        • iaguz says:

          We’d best stop before we get inundated with the bloody things

        • Fuzzball says:

          Guys, thi saint funny anymore.

          • Ultra Superior says:

            You can’t deany those virtuel girls in puntyhose got smothered superiorly.

        • ThinkAndGrowWitcher says:

          Wow! Such stunning bodies – they really must have to exorcise ‘em. This trailer certainly demon strates that bad habits die hard.

      • Premium User Badge

        Man Raised by Puffins says:

        Not to mention that it’s far too hot to be generating puns… Wait, do mine ears deceive me or is that a tinkling off-key rendition of Colonel Bogey? Excuse me chaps, I’m off to buy a Cornette-o!

      • tormeh says:

        Noooo! Pun threads is theo primary reason I come here.

      • Premium User Badge

        Makariel says:

        You are preaching to the choir.

      • BooleanBob says:

        Ah, pun threads. You never fail Teresa smile.

    • Cooper says:

      I dunno that pun threads are that bad. They’ve become fairly convent-ional around here.

    • Paul C says:

      Everyone who says the previous games were better is just looking at things through rosary-tinted spectacles.

    • kleptonin says:

      I don’t know, sometimes I think someone really ought to chaste-tise you all for these puns.

    • alphadogg says:

      Nuns? 47, it’s a trappist!

    • Premium User Badge

      jrodman says:

      If your font of inspiration has run dry, get thee to a punnery.

    • RegisteredUser says:

      Just don’t go on a crusade over it.

      Even if it makes your head spin.

  3. Premium User Badge

    JohnArr says:

    Good to see the Dragon Age marketing guys found work.

    • Xardas Kane says:

      Same thing crossed my mind. Let’s hope things go exactly the way they did with Origins – pathetic and moronic trailers (Marilyn Manson in a fantasy RPG baby!) only to turn out that they had nothing to do with the actual game. But IOI REALLY need to show something jaw dropping at E3, they have already pissed off the fans as it is.

      Oh, and has anyone else noticed that 47 hasn’t uttered a single word in any of the trailers? He did so in the very first gameplay demo, but I am pretty sure that was a place holder. Makes you wonder, what with all the interviews with the other cast members.

      • Zern says:

        AFAIK 47 is no longer voiced by the voice actor from the previous games.
        Maybe they don’t want to draw attention to that?

        • Xardas Kane says:

          I know that, but I am curious as to why we still haven’t seen the new guy. Maybe they are in fact going to get Bateson again..? Who knows, but it’s strange that they are so hush-hush about it.

        • Sarkhan Lol says:

          *bullet casings clang resonantly to the asphalt in slow-motion* *stands menacingly in the rain over the body of the last porno nun*

          Agent 47: I NEED to use the BATH room.

          • Xardas Kane says:

            Puns and one-liners are exactly what Hitman has always sorely been missing.

    • ThTa says:

      Nah, if they did, it’d still be called Hitman: Subtitle (or would that be too sincere?)
      http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2011/05/16/all-hail-hitman-subtitle/

  4. obvioustroll says:

    Oh God, here we go, you just had to mention the F word.

    • yutt says:

      Aaaah! Attractive women! Everyone react! React! If only video games stop having attractive women, husbands will stop being alcoholics and beating their wives. Also the Bible and Quran won’t promote the subjugation of women anymore! Video games are the linchpin holding the train that is sexism together.

      • shizamon says:

        There are proper ways to do attractive women / sexiness in games, and then there’s the way that marketers have been doing it for all eternity. If you can’t tell a difference keep enjoying the bud/coors/miller lite commercials.

        • Joshua Northey says:

          Exactly, this is sexuality fore 12 year olds. Look women who look like models dressed in lingerie’ with machine guns.

        • alundra says:

          Proper way?? Get off your high horse please?? What’s proper for you isn’t for others.

          Thanks.

          • SkittleDiddler says:

            ————————————————-> His point.

            Your head.

          • alundra says:

            @SkittleDiddler
            You just did’t have anything to say, didn’t you? Better to remain silent and be thought a fool….

          • Shadram says:

            But who’s the bigger fool? The fool or the fool who… erm… says nothing and, er, pities the fool?

            … Go feminism!

          • SkittleDiddler says:

            Awww, sorry ’bout that Alundra. Next time I’ll try not to make you cry.

            You should probably try following your own advice.

      • Prokroustis says:

        thank you.

      • Bhazor says:

        … wow.

        You really don’t get it do you?

      • Tacroy says:

        It’s not because of attractive women, it’s because this.

  5. MistyMike says:

    Hitman is about infiltrating compounds disguised as a pizza delivery boy, not about cinematic (bleh!) shootouts with mulitiple enemies and bullet dodging. Bravo John Walker for the deserved ridicule.

    • shizamon says:

      I agree this trailer makes it seem like the game is gonna suck, like so many sequels nowadays.

      But some shootouts have their place in Hitman games, like when things go wrong. The ones where you take out everyone in a room before they get a shot off, then hide all the bodies quickly, but it’s usually a reload/restart moment

    • LionsPhil says:

      Quite. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU SILENT ASSASSIN.

      (As perhaps evidenced by all the wounds at the start. Sloppy play, tsch.)

      • Contrafibularity says:

        Wait…

        does this mean 47 won’t be the only disguised assassin? I can’t remember if that ever happened in the previous games..

        Other than that I shall ignore this video and hope this is not indicative of the audience they’re going for. The problem here isn’t that it’s sexist but that they clearly wanted a shit-storm of comments following the “any publicity is good publicity” logic, which isn’t strictly speaking true in the case of a Hitman game.

        Well yeah that and it’s really sexist; just because they’re women assassins doesn’t mean they’d be stupid enough to approach 47 with an RPG… or wear silly stripper-nun outfits for that matter.. wait..

        Hmm, I think my enthusiasm for this game somewhat diminished, and I have somehow unwillingly become less intelligent and more sexist.. or less sexist.. I don’t know. What did I just see? What is it with SQUEENIX and horrible cutscenes & trailers?

  6. Zepp says:

    Did he really need to kill them? Such a waste. :( Imagine marvelous and blasphemous things he could achieve with those nuns…

    • Ultra Superior says:

      Happy thirteenth birthday! Soon you’ll be old enough to watch porn!

      • Grape says:

        Happy thirteenth birthday! Soon you’ll be old enough to watch porn!

        Unless he’s being raised in some nightmarish sexually repressive household where his lovely soccer-mom installs some of those really fucked-up anti-porn “THAYUNK OF THE CHAYULDRUN!”-software on his computer so that he won’t be exposed to the horror of female nipples, then he’s already been watching porn for a good couple of years, now.

      • Malk_Content says:

        If he is on the internet he is old enough to watch porn. I dare say we all just sorta did.

      • codename_bloodfist says:

        I don’t see how having consensual sexual intercourse with these fine, in corset-clad young ladies is more immature than using them as meat shields and breaking their noses. Agent 47 and you, kind Sir, have some serious explaining to do.

      • Grygus says:

        I wonder how much of this protest is from guys who actually liked the trailer but didn’t want to see themselves as the kind of guys who liked the trailer. As a Hitman trailer it did seem odd to me, and I’m not saying that all criticism here is illegitimate, but as a two-minute piece of entertainment, it featured a little bit of sex and a lot of violence; since when do we not like these things? Maybe I missed a memo.

  7. MadTinkerer says:

    I totally see what they’re trying to attempt here. Unfortunately, the result is basically Strong Female Characters (part 2).

  8. BULArmy says:

    Silent Assassin is the best Hitman game and this trailer even more solidify this opinion in my mind.

    47 had style and good story back then. Now it looks like this will be one of those betrayed by everyone stories, which are so popular in the recent years and are part of sequels which don’t know where really to go.

  9. Belsameth says:

    As much as that trailer isn’t Hitman… I do fancy me some of those nuns…

    • dazman76 says:

      If you don’t mind, I’m going to join you on what seems to be the “ZOMG are you 13?” step, by adding my own “yes please” response to this. I’m celebrating my return to teenhood, and would certainly like to remove 23 years from my age. We better not make a habit of this though.

      By the way, what was the trailer about again?

  10. Nighthood says:

    They’ve killed off the main voice actors. They’ve killed the gameplay (as can be seen by the gameplay videos). They’ve killed the idea that 47 is a sneaky assassin in favour of making him SO EDGY. They’ve killed anything good about the series.

    Hitman is dead.

    • jonfitt says:

      There’s only one person that could kill Hitman so absolutely… hmm… is IO’s PR guy suspiciously bald? Is the lead designer also now bald? Have you ever seen them in the same room together and is the office supply closet stuffed full of something?
      I think I see what’s going on here.

      • Ultra Superior says:

        One of the devs talking about the game was actually completely bald.

        Or… he was just dressed as one of the devs.

    • Xardas Kane says:

      They have killed the gameplay? O rly, I must have missed that, please do tell!

      Seriously, all the hate is based on thin air and it’s just a typical example of how quickly fans jump to conclusions. Gamers just love hate games, do you see the not-so-subtle irony in that?

      What exactly have we seen so far to condemn the game? We have a new instinct mechanic, oh my, how bad is that! Now we can see where all the bad guys are any time, anywhere, and we couldn’t do that in the previous games! Oh wait, yes we could, with the minimap. The only difference being that now we can also see where the guards are headed with the trade-off that the ability is limited. It’s immersion breaking? Not in my book, being able to see the map of an entire area AND where all the NPCs are in past games was quite the magic trick, yet no one complained. How curious.

      Second big “issue”, instinct will be regenerated by killing people! Well, no kidding, each and every Hitman game let players be aggressive guns-blazing psychos or actual silent assassins. Do we know exactly if there isn’t another way to get that instinct bar up? In fact I think we do, I am pretty certain IOI confirmed that in an interview. So what’s the problem again?

      Third, Hitman isn’t about running away, it’s about infiltrating! While I do agree, they did say that assassinations will be in the game, just as before, and I think they just wanted to show off that they are trying to toy around with the formula a bit. After 4 games doing the same thing yet again might feel a bit stale and I respect them for trying something different. Only time will tell how well this works out, but at the very least you could give them the benefit of the doubt?!

      Next up, too much action in the trailers. It’s called MARKETING people! Just look at Blood Money’s trailers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnkUzA1NHE&feature=related and all the slow-motion gunning and killing. What are they supposed to show the consumer, waiting behind a door for a guard to pass? You think that sells?

      Yes, how they did away with Bateson was disgraceful and humiliating, yes, I don’t like that Kyd won’t be doing the music. But at least give them a chance for crying out loud. None of the gameplay demos I have seen so far seem to suggest that they “ruined” the franchise.

      • The_Great_Skratsby says:

        If you can’t even factor why people are upset, disappointed and angry into consideration, then what is even the point in levelling an argument against them?

        The trailer resonates the dread and unhappy sentiment surrounding the game, and fans who actually give a damn about the series – especially since the high that was Blood Money.

        You can call it cheap marketing, and cite devs words, but it does nothing to push that large elephant in the room out of the way. Personally I just want the game to be good and expand on what Blood Money did so well, which overcame the previous games failings. All the media and interviews that I’ve digested don’t bode well, and I’d like to have my doubts proven wrong.

        And it seems for many people who genuinely give a damn, including myself, a trailer like that does the complete opposite.

        • Xardas Kane says:

          The point is that I am trying to level with them, but so far not a single person has given an actual reason why the game would be a letdown. Neither did you. We got one pretty stupid trailer here, so what? It’s not even a GAMEPLAY trailer, just CGI. So please, do tell me what media and interviews you are talking about. I want to know where that elephant came from, because so far I’ve seen very little that sounds bad.

          And again, hundreds of comments, not a single one going into specifics. O_O

          • The_Great_Skratsby says:

            I gave you a reason. The developer interviews, all the media that has been revealed to the public, and teaser trailers haven’t gone down well with myself, and apparently a good portion of people who care for the Hitman games.

            Could the sentiment be wrong? Sure. Do videos like this actually worry people more? Well you had better believe it.

          • Xardas Kane says:

            No, you haven’t. “I’m worried” is as far fetched as it can get. WHAT exactly worries you? NOBODY has said a single concrete thing that looks bad.

      • suibriel says:

        Hey there IO marketing employee. Need to work on your disguise, champ.

        • Xardas Kane says:

          That’s what you come up with? Wow O_O Like I said, gamers love to hate games. And when they see a fan who actually supports the devs, they say he is a dev in disguise. The irony.

          And I have yet to see a SINGLE REASON why Absolution is bound to suck as a game. 200 comments and none of them list one.

          • iucounu says:

            I’ve yet to see a single piece of evidence that this is what I would call a Hitman game. We have seen gameplay footage that plays out more like Metal Gear Solid or Splinter Cell than Hitman. We have seen a ferociously bad trailer, above, that positions it as a cartoonish shoot-em-up. We haven’t seen anything so far that suggests the core gameplay – sneaking into compounds dressed as a pizza deliveryman, as noted above – is in there.

            I’m all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I’m seriously worried they’ve screwed the pooch with this one.

          • Xardas Kane says:

            We HAVE seen him sneak OUT of a building dressed up as a policeman though, haven’t we? It’s not that far down the road.

          • Xardas Kane says:

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9_pal859keA Happy? Does that satisfy your standards or are we gonna hate some more?

    • sneetch says:

      “They’ve killed off the main voice actors.”

      They’ve killed the actual voice actors!? OMG! Someone should tell the police!

  11. empyrion says:

    What were they thinking, sending women to do a man’s job?

    Now let’s watch the internet explode… oh no it probably won’t.

    • Ultra Superior says:

      Yeah, you tell them, “keep it low, raise no suspicion, dress like someone else, you know, hitman style” they bring SM latex, nun costumes and RPGs. Typical women.

    • cbanana says:

      You mean men should wear fetish nun outfits and be then be killed after displaying sexuality?

  12. Cinnamon says:

    What’s black and white and red all over? A fetish nun being killed by a grim faced bald assassin.

  13. UmmonTL says:

    I can think of little that could make me want to play the game less. What the hell where they thinking? My brain hurts…
    I have not looked at anything else about the game so far but is this an attempt to reel in the FPS crowd or are they really gonna fuck up the Hitman formula this bad?

  14. Hoaxfish says:

    I think I’m having flashbacks to the Sound of Music

  15. JackShandy says:

    I loved that. I never knew hitman was into pulp.

  16. kulik says:

    They’re trying too hard.

  17. ohfouroneone says:

    I don’t know why you guys have a problem with this – I always wanted sexy nuns with rocket-launchers and machine guns in my Hitman games.

    • Belsameth says:

      Or in every game, for that matter…

      • Azdeus says:

        Bit late to the party, but did’nt the universally praised Half-Life have catsuit wearing female ninja assassins in the actual game?

        • Dominic White says:

          There were female assassins, but they weren’t particularly sexy – it was a tight-fitting stealth suit, and they were masked. A male ninja enemy type would have looked nearly identical.

          • Azdeus says:

            *Shrug* All I remember about that game is fuzzy as hell, they could’ve been sexy or mingers for all I remember. Thanks for the info though!

  18. ChiefOfBeef says:

    It’s like IO Interactive saw the Hitman film and decided it was better than Blood Money.

    • jonfitt says:

      Ohh shiiiii- that’s it.
      IO interactive liked the movie and wished their games could be more like that.

      • Premium User Badge

        RaveTurned says:

        Perhaps the lead designer decided watching a DVD was an easier way to research the series than actually playing the previous games.

      • Shadram says:

        Next announcement: Timothy Olyphant doing the voice work for Agent 47.

    • Apples says:

      As someone who unironically enjoyed the movie – as something separate from the games – I can say that this is nothing like the film either. The film had one ‘sexy’ woman who, understandably, played up her sexuality to attempt to escape from a complete mentalist and was rejected in an even more mental way. And while it did have a silly swordfight, it wasn’t actually a very over-the-top film and came across as rather melancholy at times. It was nothing near the level of latex nuns carrying bazookas being graphically shot in the chest after a zoom-in on their ‘surprised’ face as a guy comes up behind them. That doesn’t even belong in Saints Row.

  19. Kollega says:

    OH. MY. GOD.

    This is wrong, stupid, and totally not Hitman on so, so many levels. I’m not a huge fan of the series, but even from my very limited experience with the series, i can see that THIS is utterly NOT HITMAN.

    • Premium User Badge

      jezcentral says:

      Actually, this level of ridiculousness is what I’ve been waiting to see. The po-faced, police-evading shenanigans shown so far have left me cold. This, at least, is closer to the tone of the old games. But not, alas, the execution.

      Ha! Did you see what I did there?

      • Unaco says:

        Indeed. I’m not convinced by the gameplay, but the tone definitely seems to be harking back to the early (and bestest) games. I remember in Codename 47, single handedly filling a 4 story Chinese Restaurant with corpses… storming a Columbian Paramilitary facility in the jungles… rampaging through a Russian Nuclear sub facility… shootouts with an army of clones of yourself… killing a Chauffeur as he urinated in an alley (not for mission reasons, but because urinating in public is filthy). Car bombs. Bullet time. Actually using those Silverballers in shoot outs, instead of being railroaded down the Silent Assassin route. Felt much more organic, dynamic… if a waiter walked in on you garotting a target in a bathroom stall, you didn’t stop and reload, you just killed the waiter and dumped his body in the cubicle with the target.

        The clinical, ‘perfect’ hits (that seem to make up all of the later games) weren’t the only thing that was possible, or expected. Sometimes you had to get your hands dirty, make some noise.

        • Kollega says:

          Well, i’ve said that i don’t have much experience with the games.

          And now that i think of it, in Contracts there was a mission about infiltrating a BDSM party, so… yeah. Perhaps nuns wearing skimpy leather and armed with heavy machine guns aren’t out of place at all.

  20. Paul C says:

    This is pretty goddamn offensive.

    And I’ve not even played any of the previous Hitman games. I have no expectations for the trailer to dash.

    • ThinkAndGrowWitcher says:

      I know, I know! Why do they always have to represent bald men like this?

      By the way, did you switch off at the point of offense, or did you manage to see the rest while being morally outraged?

  21. Premium User Badge

    Lars Westergren says:

    I was briefly excited for this title, but the more I see lately the more it sounds like it will be a Syndicate rather than a Deus Ex.

    Maybe it will be like Dragon Age 1 where the game turned out quite good even though the ACTION! TITS! EDGY! marketing made me want to strangle someone, but… not getting my hopes up.

    • Nighthood says:

      More realistically, I see it going the route of Dragon Age 2, where they deliver exactly what the trailers promised. If not worse than the trailers promised.

  22. Nick says:

    What. The. Fuck.

  23. Premium User Badge

    RobF says:

    IT’S OK. I’VE FIXED IT.

    http://tubedubber.com/#Yb_Gpqoc1wQ:X4QuiGspxoM:0:100:0:0:1

    IO Boll ain’t got nothing on me.

  24. Moni says:

    I’m enjoying reading the opposing complaints that the trailer is terrible because it doesn’t represent the game and that IO are terrible for ruining the game, as demonstrated in the trailer.

  25. DickSocrates says:

    Somewhere after Blood Money, they lost all their reason. Made two terrible games, and now seem to be on course to crash Hitman into the ground.

  26. V. Profane says:

    Everybody knows Tarrantino is in to feet.

  27. caddyB says:

    Ok there goes any little interest I had in this game.

  28. Urthman says:

    Oh come on, John. You can’t have a game called “Absolution” without murdering a few nuns. Given that subtitle, what else could the developers do?

  29. Premium User Badge

    Bluerps says:

    What is this group of weirdly dressed women even supposed to be? I mean, they seem to be some kind of professional hit-squad (if you ignore the clothes), but they are so bad at that job that this cannot be true.

    Maybe they were on their way to a Halloween party, they got their directions wrong and there was some horrible mixup when they bought their fake weapons. “Look, this Bazooka shoots a bit of firework when you pull the trigger. Won’t it be hilarious when I announce that we’re here with a bang?”

  30. Premium User Badge

    Oozo says:

    It’s Several Tough Nuns! They out-did James O. Incandenza!

  31. Totally heterosexual says:

    What the fuck.

    IO

    INTO MY OFFICE

  32. Cerebulon says:

    I was staying optimistic about this. Defending dumb marketing as being nothing more than dumb marketing and not an indication of how terrible the game could be.
    I give up. This is absolutely terrible.

  33. Premium User Badge

    Surlywombat says:

    This is excellent marketing at its worst. The marketing bods don’t care why a game is talked about, they just care it is. I’m sure they are rubbing their hands at the prospect of a media, not storm, but maybe a light shower. Over this.

    • YourMessageHere says:

      Only true if you believe the maxim ‘there’s no such thing as bad publicity’, and you’d have to be completely fucking stupid to actually believe that. Internets full of people telling each other how appalling the trailer is can’t help your sales.

  34. jobejoe says:

    I wonder if you can use those skimpy PVC outfits as a disguise ?

  35. db1331 says:

    He did it all wrong. After killing the first nun, he should have put on her clothes, allowing him to move among the remaining nuns undetected.

    • E_FD says:

      …my god, you’re right, that’s EXACTLY what 47 would’ve done in this scenario in one of the previous games.

  36. JamesPatton says:

    That was so Freudian! There was competition for surrogate penises and everything! Wow. Which means that “nuns being killed by man via guns” equates symbolically to “nuns being raped by man to impose sexual dominance”, I guess. Not that either are particularly nice, of course.

    What the fuck were they thinking?!

    Oh, also, if this is what Blood Money is going to look like – if this is its “vibe” – then the game can only be terrible, surely?

  37. kalirion says:

    Murder? Seems an obvious case of self defense to me.

    That said, the trailer is very dumb.

  38. woodsey says:

    To be fair, Blood Money had overly-sexualised men and women all over the place to give the world a certain vulgarity.

    To be realistic, that trailer was fucking ridiculous. And yet another sign that this will suffer the same *original genre* now with -action fate as a lot of other games. Almost none of which have benefited from such a transition.

    • Sparkasaurusmex says:

      Yeah, none have benefited… unless you mean financially

      • woodsey says:

        I dunno, did Splinter Cell: Conviction sell innumerably more than previous entries?

        Did DA2 kill Origins in sales numbers?

        As far as I’m aware, not really.

        • Deadly Sinner says:

          Plus Syndicate bombed and Take-Two is so confident in XCOM that they delayed it until 2013.

  39. R J K says:

    Trailer is more Zack Snyder than Tarantino, isn’t it?

    • seventhrib says:

      Yes it is. References to Tarantino being an adolescent fanboy grate on me, it’s tired and wrong anyway. Especially when Snyder actually fits that description.

      • Premium User Badge

        ffordesoon says:

        To be fair, he kind of is.

        He’s just very, very, very good at it, to the point that his work transcends the limitations of his filmwank-driven psyche and becomes something special and unique and worth paying attention to.

        Zack Snyder, on the other hand, was who came to mind when I watched this thing, because it’s facile, fetishistic junk written and/or directed by an emotional teenager(s) who mistakes slow-motion violence for artistry and edginess for maturity. And, frankly, Zack Snyder is better at that than whoever slapped this piece of garbage together.

    • choconutjoe says:

      Yeah, it seems a bit unfair to lump the man who made Jackie Brown in with this sort of thing.

    • YourMessageHere says:

      Looks very like Sucker Punch, as interpreted by someone who didn’t get it.

      For those who think Sucker Punch is just Zack Snyder doing incoherent wish fulfilment: yes, but this is a very coherent sort-of rebuttal.

  40. Heliocentric says:

    I’m just going to go ahead and pretend this trailer doesn’t exist because it is throttling the life out of my excitement for Hitman.

  41. The Godzilla Hunter says:

    It seems to me that the best way to deal with those assassins would be to gently nudge them, and, while they fall down and break their heels, run away.

  42. TechSmurfy says:

    If this was not Hitman, I’d say ‘Awesome’.

  43. Premium User Badge

    Clavus says:

    I… liked it? It’s not like the previous Hitman games were free of these absurdities. Sure it’s not exactly a fine example of how women are portrayed but whatever. It’s a perfect marketing trailer and I can enjoy it as thus. I still expect to be able to take a stealth route through the game.

    Plus the CGI is pretty damn beautiful.

  44. Jamesworkshop says:

    I have to say I don’t really get it, it feels like that lollipop chainsaw game (maybe saint’s row), at least that mansion trailer felt more like how splinter cell conviction felt

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ziDZ9d2ceo

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-415JK8b0Y

    much more serious than that 60′s Hong Kong action cinema stuff

  45. thinbourne says:

    I kind of liked it. Hitty there was just being his awesome self.

  46. misterT0AST says:

    it was pretty impressive actually.
    Even if the outfits were offensively, stupidly slutty, the camera didn’t linger on the girls too much.
    I feel like someone wanted the trailer to have erotic undertones, someone else tried to hide them a bit with camera work and good action.
    The action WAS good, c’mon! Very well coreographed and not too acrobatic.

    • Nala says:

      Erotic UNDERTONES? Honestly? It’s not that I feel terribly offended (I’m a gamer for quite some time and at a certain point you’ll just nod and say: “Yeah… they’ll probably someday learn…”), but there are no Undertones.

      They are wearing 20cm Pumps and Fetish Outfits in leather and I suppose latex. In a cover as killer-nuns. Probably hot for some, won’t say anything different about that. Definetly not undertones.

      But please.. Just when I think video game companies finally get it…

    • RegisteredUser says:

      This is actually part of the problem.
      Its the disgusting double standard of sexualizing, but pretending not to actually indulge in it, because, well, now THAT would be wrong.
      Its also why in series like Chuck you will have tons and tons of episodes of “the little blonde bimbo in undies again hyuckhyuck”, but try to get more than 3-5 seconds of the camera focussing on her ass and you will see an actual mission impossible.
      Its the same with every overt display of “sexy” in every american thing ever.
      On the one hand, what they are doing is nothing really outside of utilizing all the traits of actual titillation and pornography, but actually making an honest use of it? Now that would be real smut!
      Whereas if you show just glimpses and flashes of nudity or hints of it, why that is just shameful enough to remain politically correct.

      Its all a very sad state of affairs and its exactly what is wrong with all of this. Either don’t go for the cheap sex pull and make actual content, sophistication, tone, grit, substance etc pp, or admit that you’re just going to exploit the fact that we dig sexuality and then be so good as to actually indulge, too.

      The constantly implemented bait and switch nonsense is just that.

  47. Grape says:

    When I saw that trailer, my immediate reaction was “Oh, how RPS is going to throw a little piss-fit over this!” But then I come to the website, and the reaction was mostly subdued, save for their usual bitchy passive-aggressiveness and the equally expected white-knights in the comments-section.

    I’m disappointed.

    • sinister agent says:

      Would you mind pointing out where exactly it’s passive-aggressive? Because it looks pretty direct and explicit from where I’m sitting.

    • DiamondDog says:

      Oh well that’s just fantastic, I was going to try and entice the future Mrs. Diamond by saying this trailer is shit. But then you go and tell everyone that’s what we’re doing! You went and fucked up the only chance I had of finding love! Now I’m going to be alone forever.

      Thanks a lot. Douche.

    • Apples says:

      Hi, your fruit-named feminist counterpart checking in to remind you that men can be feminist without being white knights, and that thinking this trailer is dumb and offensive makes you neither a bitch, a prude or a white knight.

      • Premium User Badge

        Sinomatic says:

        “men can be feminist without being white knights”

        This. So this.

        There’s a difference in speaking FOR someone and agreeing WITH them.

        Of course, last time I said something to that effect on here I got accused of being John Walker in disguise *grins*

  48. Premium User Badge

    Makariel says:

    What did I just watch? óÒa

  49. Premium User Badge

    stahlwerk says:

    John, I fear io Interactive might actually be trolling you.

    Edit: And I mean you, specifically. As in “We need more reach… what’s that british blog again? The one with that walker guy? RPS? Yeah, just make a trailer that gets them into maximum anger mode. What? he’s catholic religious? AND pro-feminism? Well, how about that…”

    • Jamesworkshop says:

      I think John is an Anglican

      you know like Peter hitchens ;)

      • Premium User Badge

        stahlwerk says:

        Oh okay, that’s what I get for not reaching my caffeine RDA. Thanks!

      • sinister agent says:

        What? John worships angles?

        That’s just silly. John, you oddball.

        • Premium User Badge

          stahlwerk says:

          could be worse, he could worship Pele…

          I’ll get my coat.

        • Jamesworkshop says:

          Don’t you mean Angels?

          I don’t think Christianity includes much direct Angel worship exactly.

      • John Walker says:

        Just for the record, I am neither. I guess “protestant”, whatever that means. Also, being compared to Peter Hitchens is the horriblest thing anyone’s ever said. I used to have to share a desk with that whiny, snivelly man : (

        • Premium User Badge

          stahlwerk says:

          Oh my. I do not know what I know anymore.

          I distinctly remember a post about this subject, but my search field foo is weak today.

  50. Zeewolf says:

    OMG, that was nasty. And not in the good way.