I didn't believe Conker was real, you know. I'd assumed a poo-obsessed platformer series about a boozy squirrel with guns was a hoax conjured up by the jokey final page of a games magazine to parody the rude 'tude of '90s excess. No, Conker was real, and now he's coming to PC. In a way.
Conker's Big Reunion is an episodic series made in Project Spark, Microsoft's game make-o-share-a-play thing. It's being made by Spark devs Team Dakota rather than creators Rare, though original Conker lead and designer Chris Seavor has returned to voice the squirrel again.
So whatever Conker's Big Reunion is, it's unlikely it'll quite capture the spirit of the old games from the N64 and Xbox. Though given that they're now a decade old and you're a decade older, it would never be the same anyway. It never could. It's okay. Let it go.
The first episode is due on April 23rd, arriving alongside a big bundle of Spark assets - props, terrain, sounds, and music - to make your own Conker games. Microsoft have yet to settle on prices for all this.
This being Spark, it'll be limited to Windows 8. Hm. I shan't be installing that for this, though Windows 10 is due to replace Win 8 this summer with free upgrades, and does sound pretty good.
It's unlikely I would anyway, because I'm still not convinced this isn't a magazine back page hoax and I'm concerned I'm repeating that time I went around telling people about an official Christmas Quake mod complete with carols remixed by Trent Reznor (we were all gullible once), but this trailer suggests they've at least put a lot of effort into this trick. Also, it sounds dreadful.