GTA Online’s Biker Gangs Will Roll Out In October

Motorcycles, aka the horses of the highway, will be seeing a lot more action in GTA Online [official site] following Rockstar’s upcoming update. We already told you about what’s expected in this addition – the ability to start an 8-person motor club, new competitive and co-op modes, new bikes, weapons, clothes and tattoos – but you didn’t listen. You just twisted the throttle like a petulant John Connor and pretended not to hear us. Well, I’m here to tell you that the update is happening on Octo - oh for heavens sake.

I SAID THE UPDATE IS HAPPENING ON OCTOBER 4.

GTA Online: Bikers will also give you the ability to lash out with melee weapons as you ride along on whatever the half-baked parody name for a Harley Davidson is. The Hardon Davisbone? Meanwhile, your fellow gang members can ride along on co-op missions and the like, spitting and cussing and looking downright rude. All this will come as an automatic update, says Rockstar.

In the meantime, the online world of GTAV becomes a stranger and stranger place as time passes. The Cunning Stunts update added silly props and gear for folks who like creating daft stunt jumps, while previously-added freemode events included a mode in which you hunt a Letterman-wearing beastman. And that’s just the official updates. Hackers and modders have made their own fun, like the troll who creates weird green-haired clones of your player model and then affixes them to your back.

I hope whoever was responsible for that gets his hands on a motorcycle gang. Hundreds of green-haired clones, riding into the sunset, periodically swiping at each other with machetes. That’s the GTA we deserve.