If Danny Trejo can be in OlliOlli World, why not your favourite game characters?
We've been having fun with the character creator tool
The creators of skateboarding game OlliOlli World sent word that Danny Trejo, of Danny Trejo fame, would feature in their video game. After filing our OlliOlli World review, I investigated and, yup, you stumble across him in one particularly fiendish level, where he is being used as promotional bait by a scheming business frog. Good thing no real company would stoop so low as to use Daniel T's likeness in such a cynical, ultimately successful way.
Ahem. Well, if Danny Trejo can show up in this kickflip 'em up, what other cameos may appear? We used the game's character customisation menu to cook up some possibilities.
Lara Croft - Tomb Raider
Lara is an athletic woman, she has a private gymnasium in her home. Are you telling me she could not heelflip? Be sensible. There is an entire desert realm in OlliOlli World where you grind along the sun-bleached spines of long-dead beasts, their species and characteristics unknown. Where you smash through crystal floors to gain access to mysterious new areas. Croft would love it there. There's so much history to break.
Caustic - Apex Legends
Alex "Caustic" Nox is canonically (and please do not dispute this) a daily contributor to r/atheism and an insufferable wretch. But did you know, in his carefree days as an edgelord youth, he used to be well into skateboarding? It's true. Here is a picture of him, all decked out, complete with board shaped like a canister of what we can only presume is hydrogen sulphide. That's rad.
Chell - Portal
With legs strengthened from a thousand heavy landings and all sense of vertigo having been eliminated by prolonged exposure to heights of infinite metrics, Chell may as well apply for a spot in the X Games, or at the very least to become a contestant on Total Wipeout. She would clean up during a visit to Radlandia. She can propel herself through limitless space using nothing but some blue gel. What are you gonna do, a Pop Shuvit? Sit down.
Sonic
"I am obliged to travel with a certain rapidity!" as the famous blue porcupine is wont to say. Many reacted in horror as Sonic was redesigned in fluffy CGI for a recent movie. Well, fans of the famous 152nd Pokémon can finally relax, I have designed the quintessential Sonic for inclusion in the game world to which he truly belongs. You're welcome.
Frog Detective
There's a mystery afoot in the beaches and badlands of Radlandia. I don't know about you, but I want the best amphibious investigator money and influence can hire on the case. That's right, Frog Detective is here. Please note that Frog Detective is NOT a cop. He is a frog. Please refrain from addressing him with any obscenities as it makes him upset.
Chloe - Life Is Strange
This one makes sense. Huh.
Lady Dimitrescu - Resident Evil 8
The vampiric Lady Dimitrescu has had to cut off her vintage dress at the knees to do a viable treflip but I'm sure nobody will notice or remark upon this. We're all adults here, on the internet.
Gordan Freeman - Half Life
There's no sensible reason why the finest theoretical physicist in the whole sewer should appear in a skateboarding game. But there's no reason he should have appeared in top-down dual stick shooter Renegade Ops, or in crystal obsessed JRPG Final Fantasy XV or in bean elimination platformer Fall Guys. Sometimes you just have to accept the metatextual ubiquity of a man who never speaks but whose only idea of Sign Language is using old "Stop" signs as torso-dismembering projectiles.
Captain Price - Call of Duty
[Trailer begins]
John Price, Special Ops commander and one-time dark tourist of Chernobyl, knows a thing or two about fitting into his surroundings.
[Flashback of Captain Price emerging from grass in a ghillie suit and bagging a terrorist]
But is he ready for his toughest mission yet?
"You will infiltrate the rogue state of Radlandia and go undercover in a group our intelligence services have classed as being 'very extreme'."
[A black and white photograph of someone doing a 50-50 grind is slapped on the table]
"We have reason to believe these boardskaters are a threat to national security."
"Yes, sir."
"Oh and Price…"
[Captain Price pauses at the door of the Oval Office]
"These people are dangerous, so...."
[The CGI eyes of Ronald Reagan narrow suspiciously]
"Don't get attached."
[Two-second flashforward of Captain Price smoking a huge spliff with his new skater friends]
"Of course, Mr President."
[Montage of John Price lifting weights with a buff seagull, trying to ollie over a bin while nobody is looking, and confiding in a down-to-earth girl in dungarees who brushes a stray tuft of hair over her ear as she teaches him how to tune his trucks]
"The thing is, Kelly, sometimes I feel like I'm being… I don't know…"
"Radicalised?"
[They look into each other's eyes and smile]
This summer, one deadly captain of the SAS will discover that maybe a No Comply is better than a Will Comply. That you can know the cost of freedom, but what really matters is…
[Title card]
The Price Of Friendship.
Link - Zelda
Hey! What are you doing here? You're not on PC. Get outta here! Scram!
God damned Nintendo characters.