King's Bounty Expandalone Expandanotalones

Modern tragedies:
1) That quadrophonic music never took off
2) Squirrels don't make good pets
3) Dexys' comeback album was boring
4) The wonderful King's Bounty reboot has never had a proper sequel, instead just limping from samey standalone expansion to samey standalone expansion.

So, as much as my heart still performs the tiniest leap upon hearing that there's a new expansion out, knowing it's just a bolt on for 2012's ambition-free Warriors of the North kills any anticipation. Sigh. Maybe I'll try taming a squirrel again instead.

The facepalmingly-entitled Ice and Fire DLC was released yesterday, and on paper looks like a standard roster of additions. Here, see:

• Creature skill system – lead your troops through dozens of battles and they will become stronger than ever!
• Snow Elves – a new Elven nation that prefers snow and blizzard of the Ice Gardens instead of the green forests of Merlassar.
• Necrolizards – a new kind of the undead, Lizardmen that have risen from the dead.
• New locations to explore.
• Over 20 new creatures.
• Revamped creatures of King’s Bounty: Warriors of the North.
• New items with unique attributes.
• Over 20 hours of additional gameplay.

I am tempted, despite having just spat a gruesome cynicism loogie all over your screen. These things are like comfort eating to me, after all. I suspect I'll steer clear, but if every other game on my plate looks too demanding perhaps I shall flee to KB's open arms of samey safety.

The creature skill system is the only thing here that makes me twitch into real interest - conceptually, that losing units will hurt on more than simply a financial level is appealing. I like the idea that I have a more personal army that I work harder to protect.

Aargh, no, mustn't talk myself into this. Over 20 hours of doing the same thing again is not the best use of your time, Meer.

Anyway! Out now, on various download services (e.g. GamersGate and Steam), for around about the £8 mark.