If you're one of those who becomes outraged by our occasional (alright, regular) self-indulgence/celebration on RPS, you should wander away now and pretend this story isn't here. What story? Exactly.
I've just received a very large box in the post. What could it be? An unsubtle letter bomb from angry Alice fans? The optimism I lost somewhere aged about 6? Oh, that's right - it's my birthday today. This is probably some kind of 'gift', which is what I believe you human creatures share on such occasions. The box originated from my father and his missus, which led me to guess it'd contain either some sort of adorably retro toy or some manner of practical joke that'd spray me with cold tea or something. I opened it with some trepidation, and inside I discovered...
The world's first and only Rock, Paper, Shotgun cushion! When we are elected the New Gods, this one-of-a-kind head-comforter will be a collector's item worth billions. I absolutely guarantee it.
No, you can't have it. What you can have is an official RPS t-shirt that bears the same logo (and from which I presume my parents cribbed for ultro-cushion). The t-shirts are this: super-fashion! Englishers, we are looking into a way to make the postage a bit easier on our fellow countrymen - watch this space.