Lumberjack’s Dynasty is coming to Steam Early Access next month, which is really an exceptional excuse to show you its Gamescom trailer, which I am presently obsessed with. Please, come and revel in this with me.
I love this gruff lumberjack man, who cares not a jot for the metre we’ve all come to expect from watching thousands of video game trailers. He doesn’t even care for enticing you into playing the video game, with some kind of talk about how exciting his job is or a stinger at the end. No, his last few seconds are reserved for telling you that you shouldn’t destroy the forests. Sure, he calls them a “commodity,” which isn’t exactly the most encouraging thing for conservation, but he’s neither an environmentalist nor a wordsmith. He’s a lumberjack.
His wife’s skirt matches his shirt. I had to listen like five times to figure out what the first few, completely un-enunciated words were (“I live by a lake.”) He’s very reassuring that he has a mill and heavy plant machinery, just in case I thought he was tearing up these trees by hand. And he’s bragging about the size of his saws. Thank you for all your blessings, Mr. Lumberjack man. I wish I was as earnest about literally anything in my life as you are about trees.
The game’s Steam page is almost as excellent, explaining that you can “build your own empire around the fascinating resource of wood.” But this is not just a woodcutting simulator; you have to look after your home, tools, and family in order to create a successful business that can be passed down to your children as your father once passed it down to you.
Developers Toplitz Productions are also the folks behind Farmer’s Dynasty, which Brendy described as feeling “like it was made by a farm animal pretending to be a human.” I want to quote some of it to show you what you might expect from Lumberjack’s Dynasty. I cannot. You need to read all of it. He concludes that he wishes his farmer had died in his sleep. I will wish no such harm upon my new best friend, the kindly lumberjack.
Lumberjack’s Dynasty is scheduled to enter Steam Early Access on November 21.