Shocking: Magic Wand's financial report buried amid labyrinth of corporate fronts but we found it anyway

While scraping my way through today’s news vomit, searching for a nourishing videogame nugget or chunk amid the Trumpish gunge, I found in my possession a startling and interesting financial report, which my sources inform me has only recently been “declassified”. It is the second Annual Report of the Harmony Zone corporation. “So what?” you ask. Well, as all intelligent reporters know, Harmony Zone is no more than a vast corporate front for one Stephen ‘thecatamites’ Gillmurphy. Aka the creator of Space Funeral, Murder Dog IV, 50 Short Games and most recently the camera-swivelling RPG Magic Wand.

The report, which you can read in full here, is interesting for several reasons. It openly and happily shows how much interest thecatamites’ games have gathered this year. There’s figures, certainly, and dollar signs, oh yes, oh yes. Raw, unfiltered data. A delicious find among today’s excreta. For example, we learn that Magic Wand has earned over $3000 USD for its master. More significantly, we are treated to some of the fiscal rhetoric of the lurid developer (who has never been seen in physical form).

“Sales to date are 561 copies- 544 on itch.io, where I did the main launch,” he said. “17 through gamejolt which I added later partly to have an excuse to tweet about the game again.”

In a section tackling the reception of the game, the artist LAMBASTS the press, commenting VENOMOUSLY on the prominence of the news-post and flying into a RAGE about internet commenters and the so-called '“Misrepresentative”' media machine. He notes the influence of eminent YouTube personalities in the following quote, which we have edited for contextual purposes.

“Interestingly a few Let's Play people picked it up and their audiences seemed to enjoy it. Re. the complaint about Let's Plays for narrative games giving the entire story away, an advantage of this game is that the story is incomprehensible.”

The financial details go on, covering other games of the year. Numbers, dry and crisp. Revenue, distribution, analysis. It is a rare and intriguing glimpse into the mind of one of the videogames industry’s most reprehensible geniuses. He did the same thing last year and, hopefully, we will be able to navigate the offshore entities and fake tech start-ups which will inevitably be used to hide next year’s report.

Stay tuned for more vomit.