You woke up this morning, got yourself a gun, Mama always said you'd be the chosen one to write the weekly Steam charts. These are the games which sold best on Steam last week.
This week: order returns. OBEY OBEY OBEY OBEY OBEY OBEY OBEY
Right, so I was off on holiday for the last two Tuesdays, meaning Steam Chart duty fell to
Adam Jerry Cheese-Muncher and Alice respectively. They did great, and they were blessed with a few new or otherwise unusual entries. Here was I, hoping this trend towards The New would continue and I could thus return to my post refreshed and with novel topics of conversation.
Today: watch a man's hope be destroyed, blow-by-blow.
Though I will note that, in recent weeks, Siege is here without the help of a sale or free weekend. Ubi have kept pouring coal into this thing's firehole, and it seems it's now reached critical mass - able to sustain itself without gimmick. I appreciate a big company not giving up on a game that doesn't set the world on fire right out of the gates.
Wildlands, by contrast, seems to have done far better out of the gates than Siege did, despite - according to oor Brendy - being very much a lesser game. However, it surely benefits from a whole lot of learning Ubi took from Siege over the past couple of years, as well as assorted Far Crying.
The closest we've got to a new entry this week, Techland's openish world zomb-blaster makes a return thanks to a just-ended half-price sale. Oor Adam's quite the fan of Dying Light, for which I think many of us so-called colleagues might have been guilty of thinking makes him a little crazy in the coconut. I've never played the Enhanced Edition though, which apparently involves a fairly substantial do-over of looks, mechanics and story. One day!
Alright. It's time to 'fess up.
It was me. I did it.
I bought 100,000 copies of CSGO every week. I thought if I could make it appear in the chart for month after month, I could stage a breakdown whenever I wrote about it and people would notice me. Maybe someone would care about me for the first time in my stinking life. Maybe... maybe everything would make sense at last.
You still love me, don't you?
This one's right at the top of the my 'need to play' list right now. My e'er-troubled PC is newly equipped with a working power supply, so I reckon that's a thing that'll happen this very week.
For years I've been trying not to inadvertently type 'King of the Hill' instead of 'King of the Kill', but at last I can be entirely justified in doing so. Not King of the Hill any more, are you King of the Kill?
2. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - Game of the Year Edition
Sure, I've not got much new to say about Geralt's latest return to the charts, but seeing it here always gives me the warm and fuzzies. Whenever I've got a new component in my PC or I'm testing some screen or laptop or graphics card, The Witcher 3 is my go-to game for maximum pretties. I never came anywhere close to finishing the thing, let alone the substantial DLC, which is pretty much because I just can't get enough of standing around in its beautiful meadows.
It's new to me, due to my aforementioned absence. Haven't tried it myself yet, but Brendy's foray into this latest battle royale outta-nowhere hit gives me a pretty clear picture of what to expect. I'm fairly sure it's not for me, but I'm not surprised it's proved popular - a combination of on-trend and heritage (based on a big Arma 2/3 mod).
That name's a humdinger though, innit? I fear we're in for more of that sort of thing, given that almost every obvious variation upon 'dudes shooting something' naming conventions has been used by now. See also: theHunter. Look out for Popcap's Shootplace, Ubisoft's Tom Clancy's SoldierPerson and Atari's Skinsuit soon.
As ever, these charts are based on a ranking Valve release weekly on a Sunday afternoon, not the current top sellers.