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Very realistic football game Behold the Kickmen dribbles onto Steam in authentic and accurate way

Footing balls

Behold the Kickmen [official site], the arcade game about football, known in some parts of the world as British Football, has been released this day. It’s by Dan Marshall and Size Five Games, makers of The Swindle. Dan started working on the ball-kicker as part of a game jam but was whisked away by the locker room drama of it all until he finally ended up with an actual game, instead of a simple joke about the famously unknowable and incommunicable sport.

“What started as a game jam and a stupid gif has definitely blossomed into something, that's for sure.” he said in a press release I will not submit to further examination. “Normally getting people interested in your games is like getting blood from a stone, so when Behold the Kickmen took off and started getting endless retweets I felt obliged to actually make it.”

And now it’s out. The game features “kissing”, a career mode with a branching story, and a “Futuristic Dystopian Bloodsport Mode” that changes the whole game so that it matches the old Atari rules of Speedball. There’s also management options and all the rest of the things football has got. Dash powers, attack formations, pounds. All of them.

Anyway, it’s three quid on Steam. That’s about one-third of the price of a real football, but approximately one-thousand-millionth of the price of a real football player. So, I don’t know, is that a good deal? Might be.

Disclosure: Quite a few of the RPS team are friendly friends with Dan Marshall. I don't think I've met him, but it is possible that I have.

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About the Author
Brendan Caldwell avatar

Brendan Caldwell


Brendan likes all types of games. To him there is wisdom in Crusader Kings 2, valour in Dark Souls, and tragicomedy in Nidhogg.

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