Everyone's playing it. I'm playing it. John Walker's playing it, even though he hasn't worked out how to heal. Your mum's playing it; she's romancing Garrus, and he's making her feel more alive than she's ever felt before. So - why aren't you playing Mass Effect 2? If the answer is 'I'm already busy playing Dragon Age: Return To Ostragar at bloody last, and it's frankly unfair of you to expect me to give every waking moment of my life to Bioware games' then very well. Otherwise, you should totally enter our competition to win one of 4 Direct2Drive copies of the shooty-spacey RPG. Apparently a lot of people quite like it.
It took me a little while to establish exactly what 'DDE' stands for, as it appears to be one of those acronyms that have been stealth-deployed in such a fashion as to make everyone believe they're an established term that's been around forever. Briefly, I thought it might mean Digital Deluxe Edition, but it turns out it's really Determinedly Dunderheaded Entertainment. Yeah, I thought it was a counter-productive marketing decision too, but you just can't argue with the suits. Whatever it means, it includes a bunch of bonus content - extra guns and armour, a digital comic, artbook, documentary and soundtrack - on top of the game's standard gamut of interstellar chat and head-splatting.
So, we have here four copies of this extra thingum-fatted digital version of Mass Effect 2, courtesy of game download service Direct2Drive, one of which you mean to win. How?
Firstly, by emailing us here. Don't attempt to be An Individual and change the subject line, or your entry will be lost somewhere in space and time.
Secondly, by providing an answer to this riddle: "I have three noses, forty-eight earlobes and one Venusian mega-nipple. What am I?" The answer is not in words, but instead a picture. A picture you will send us a link to, not by clogging up our inbox with enormous image files. Attachments won't make it through. Other than that, the rules are No Rules - hand-drawn or Paintbrush Scrawls, worryingly elaborate photoshoppery, simply a photo of a celebrity - be creative and be offbeat, basically. No filth, though. You won't impress anyone with that.
In addition to our usual rules, please be aware this is a (most of) Europe-only competition. To whit, only enter if you live in one of these places: Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, or - hey! - the United Kingdom. Sorry 'bout that, but the prize redemption code thingies simply won't work in American'n'that. I restress: not our choice, it's just about the territories that the DDE's available in.
Closing date is 12pm (GMT) on the 8th Feb, and once again - Europe only, no attachments, no filth. OK, go.