Life Simulator 2014: Always Sometimes Monsters Released

Merry role-playing action!

We’re directionless in life. Lost, drifting from day to day, doing the same thing over and over, not really working towards any clear goal. Why oh why would I want to play a ‘real-life’ RPG when every day is grinding misery? Oh! But Always Sometimes Monsters actually has a clear goal, to somehow get across the United States within 30 days to break up the wedding of “your one true love.” So now we can all experience life as a colossal clueless selfish jerk–but one with a goal–as Vagabond Dog’s RPG launched last night.

The game kicks off by kicking you out your apartment, then branches all over the place as you travel across the US, or don’t. You can poke your nose into people’s lives, try to earn money to keep going, and perhaps slip into dark and illegal places as you become more desperate. Because yes, while it does look and sound all cutesy retro RPG-y–shock horror–that’s all a juxtaposition to make the unpleasantness more unpleasant.

The game’s content warning, for example, explains that it deals with “racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, mental health, sexual assault, child abuse, animal abuse, drug abuse, and suicide.”

Or maybe your playthrough will somehow be all sunny and lovely! I couldn’t tell you quite how it branches, but suspect it leans towards the dark. The game lets you decide your character’s race, gender, and sexuality, and this’ll all play into the story too.

Always Sometimes Monsters will cost you £5.99 on the Humble Store, £6.29 on Steam (and that’s including a 10% launch week discount), or, er, $8.99 on GOG.


  1. Harlander says:

    “Press X to realise that travelling thousands of miles to leave indelible psychic scars on someone you claim to love is a bad idea”

  2. K33L3R says:

    GOG price; £5.32, not bad really. Hoping to give this a go soon, sounds unlike your typical RPG

    • Darth Gangrel says:

      Yeah, GoG is the cheapest option, so I don’t know what Alice means with “er, $8.99 on GOG”. I thought it was well known that GoG has prices in dollars world wide, instead of euros in Europe and pounds in Great Britain, so what’s with the “er, $8.99 on GOG”?

      • MaXimillion says:

        GOG no longer sells all games at the same prices globally, since some publishers weren’t willing to put their games on the store because of that. Age of Wonders 3 for example costs 39.99€ in europe and $39.99 in the US.

        • Prokroustis says:

          After the outcry they said they’d give store credit to cover the difference to those affected though.

  3. Convolvulus says:

    In my playthrough I hope the player character meets another character on the way, and that other character ends up being the player character’s real true love. I also hope they dislike each other initially. And maybe there’s draculers to fight.

    • lowprices says:

      They’re saving Draculas for the sequel, ‘Always Actual Monsters.’

      • Darth Gangrel says:

        Yeah, sneaky indie games with their awesome, but misleading titles! I wanted Monsters, either Always and/or Sometimes, but I see here that no actual monsters (i.e. fictional creatures like vampires, trolls, dragons etc.) are in this game.

        And yes, that was a rant not meant to be taken seriously.

    • WinTurkey says:

      In my playthrough I hope the player character realises that monogamy is an outdated concept which dates back to the era of realm and title ownership, and that polygamous relationships are the most sustainable financially in light of shared utilities, accomodation, transportation and access to medical services, leading to the MC abandoning his “one true love” and forming a commune out in the desert.

      • The Random One says:

        I hope my player character realises that monogamy is an outdated concept which dates back to the era of realm and title ownership, and since they desire to be monogamous then it must not be such a bad thing, therefore neither are realms and title ownership, leading to the MC establishing a feudal society in the middle of the desert.

        • SuddenSight says:

          Ooh, ooh, I can do this. In my game I hope the MC realizes she is secretly an astronaut. Then a rocket ship descends from the sky and take her to Jupiter, where she finds a five hundred dollar bill lying on the ground. She goes back home to get her apartment back, but her landlord won’t accept the five hundred as legal tender. She sues and wins. Then she returns to her life of working in the boring factory during the day, and protecting earth from intergalactic spider mice at night.

  4. Humppakummitus says:

    I’ll add this to my list of games I respect, but won’t touch with a ten foot pole. Right next to Paper’s Please, EVE and Shelter.

    • GameCat says:

      I would want to respect this game, but I can’t respect something that costs money (even if it’s only €6) and looks worse than many FREE RPG Maker games. Some of those free games are as experimental as Always Sometimes Monsters.

      • Humppakummitus says:

        The game looks fine and it’s cheap too. I just can’t handle that much misery.

      • SuddenSight says:

        Looks… fine to me?

        Besides, you can’t always judge all for-money things based on the awesome stuff you can get for free. Many of the highest quality comics, for example, are free internet comics, but that doesn’t mean I won’t pay money for the stuff. Also, amazing games like Knytt, Battle for Wesnoth, and Dwarf Fortress are free, but that doesn’t mean I discount all platformers, hex-based fighters, and DF-likes because they aren’t also free.

  5. vivlo says:

    i want to play this badly, alas no mac version :(

  6. Philopoemen says:

    On my first playthrough, I ended up being a lesbian blonde who was couriering ecstasy and trying to hook up with a junkie so I’d have a bed to sleep in for the night. That didn’t go so well, so I went to the bar to get a job which seemed to mean getting smashed before the bartender would offer it to me.

    and I have no idea how I got to that point. I think it was something to with hitting “Enter” too quick while reading dialogue. At least I flushed the smack before the cop got me.

    Cutesy RPG Maker game this is not.

  7. Just Endless says:

    That one shot from the trailer is exactly out of To the Moon. Not sure if intentional, or just because RPG Maker.
    (In truth, not sure if this is RPG Maker, and I’m not sure I care.)

    I realllllly want this to be good. I’ll wait a few days til my test season is over and check out reviews, but I realllllly want this to be good. Such a cool idea.

  8. DoktorV says:

    If you want an RPG that deals primarily in human relationships and genuine emotional content than fantasy combat, there’s always Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle, the greatest thing ever made in RPG Maker. I sincerely think it’s at least as good as Planescape: Torment in the sophistication of its story.

    As for Always Sometimes Monsters, I’m already tapped out of entertainment budget for the month. In any case, I doubt I’d enjoy it, mainly because I think the ‘free yourself from self-defeating preconceived notions and become enlightened’ path that I’d search for through the game doesn’t actually exist.

    • Shazbut says:

      That’s the best path in real life too but I think it has the highest difficulty and thanks for letting me know about Embric

  9. minstrelofmoria says:

    Look at the Steam reviews for this game. Look at them.

    “I was promised a 3-some they left for lube and never came back :( 10/10”

    “I helped an old lady then i killed a guy, just like in real life. 10/10.”

    “You get to choose who your girlfriend is from a bunch of strangers at a party. 10/10 wish life was this good”

    “i stepped out my apartment and saw a couple screwing. then i spoke to the old lady then i saw her sucking someone else off. 10/10 GOTY LIKE SKYRIM WITH GRANNY PORN”