Parent ’em up Think of the Children released

Children are idiots. Left to their own devices, they’ll lick plug sockets, crawl into roads, chug Mr Muscle, charge into the ocean, and generally do themselves harm. Idiots! I know better than to do any of those. Unbelievable. They can’t even drive. But the newly-released Think of the Children will task us with protecting those fools from themselves, playing as parents who need to complete lists of tasks while rushing around protecting their child. Idiots. It does support singleplayer but the local multiplayer mode seems like it’d be most fun, cramming up to four terrible parents onto one sofa.

Ha ha look at those little idiots. They’re chasing butterflies into the road, drinking cleaner, being stolen by kangaroos, taking a boomerang to the melon, collapsing shelves upon themselves, getting stuck in the washing machine, touching jellyfish, climbing onto a luggage conveyor, eating poisonous berries, having a poo fight with monkeys… I’ve not done even half of those myself! Idiots.

Playing as parents, we’ll need to stop children from doing any of those (and more – and worse) while also ticking off our own list of tasks. In a supermarket you’ll have a shopping list to complete, on a camping trip you need to put up the site and catch dinner from the river, and so on. All of which is, of course, constantly interrupted by those AI-controlled idiots running off.

And yes, it does have a character creator to build parents.

I really dig the sound of this, though I did miss the recent open beta weekend. It reminds me of Who’s Your Daddy, which pitched a child against a dad, but with the casual fun of local multiplayer and the important incentive of tasks. Hmm! Must see about playing this with people some time.

Think of the Children is out Steam for £5.94/€8.49/$8.49, including the launch discount, and a few Britcents more on the Humble Store.


  1. apa says:

    One of the tasks should be “Play a game”.

    • bill says:

      I know ridiculously hard games are all the rage these days, but let’s not go overboard.

  2. Someoldguy says:

    Give ’em all iPads and watch their legs atrophy as you relax by the pool, drink in hand.

  3. freiform says:

    Having aquired one of those little idiots ourselves just recently makes me wonder; why would anyone want play this? Go out! Have fun! Eat together! Do all those trivial little things! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!

    No, seriously. It’s great.


    • DodgyG33za says:

      Having recently relinquished all responsibility for one of these little idiots I wholeheartedly agree.

  4. Darth Gangrel says:

    What, you haven’t had a poo fight with monkeys!? That thing is the shit! What have you been DOING all your life, Alice?

  5. Imaginary Llamas says:

    Always on the lookout for local co-op games. Tried out the first few levels with another person and it’s pretty fun. Main issues are slightly buggy menus and the fact it doesn’t really explain how some objectives are repeatable while others aren’t.

  6. GrumpyCatFace says:

    As the proud owner of four idiots, I can say that this game will be incredibly easy, and a relaxing way to spend time on the couch.

  7. lglethal says:

    To quote the late great Bill Hicks:
    “Children are way smarter than any of us. You want to know how I know that? I dont know a single child with a full time job and children…”

  8. Cederic says:

    Great name for a paedosim.

    (Now hoping to hell that’s not an actual genre)

    • Phasma Felis says:

      “Don’t think of them like that! Oh my God, stop thinking of the children!”

  9. bill says:

    This looks like a fun game to play with the kids.
    I’m always on the look out for something to keep them occupied.