Children are idiots. Left to their own devices, they’ll lick plug sockets, crawl into roads, chug Mr Muscle, charge into the ocean, and generally do themselves harm. Idiots! I know better than to do any of those. Unbelievable. They can’t even drive. But the newly-released Think of the Children will task us with protecting those fools from themselves, playing as parents who need to complete lists of tasks while rushing around protecting their child. Idiots. It does support singleplayer but the local multiplayer mode seems like it’d be most fun, cramming up to four terrible parents onto one sofa.
Ha ha look at those little idiots. They’re chasing butterflies into the road, drinking cleaner, being stolen by kangaroos, taking a boomerang to the melon, collapsing shelves upon themselves, getting stuck in the washing machine, touching jellyfish, climbing onto a luggage conveyor, eating poisonous berries, having a poo fight with monkeys… I’ve not done even half of those myself! Idiots.
Playing as parents, we’ll need to stop children from doing any of those (and more – and worse) while also ticking off our own list of tasks. In a supermarket you’ll have a shopping list to complete, on a camping trip you need to put up the site and catch dinner from the river, and so on. All of which is, of course, constantly interrupted by those AI-controlled idiots running off.
And yes, it does have a character creator to build parents.
I really dig the sound of this, though I did miss the recent open beta weekend. It reminds me of Who’s Your Daddy, which pitched a child against a dad, but with the casual fun of local multiplayer and the important incentive of tasks. Hmm! Must see about playing this with people some time.