Apex Legends needs more bird attacks

"Apelegs is exemplar in every way that matters", said I, in the closing paragraph of my Apex Legends review. I'm sorry, dear reader. It transpires that this was empirically incorrect, and that I have failed in my journalistic duty. There aren't nearly enough videos of the characters being attacked by birds.

Let's change that.

Now if we were to be totally fair, we'd give Apex Legends developers Respawn Entertainment some credit for their inclusion of the two existing bird attacks. These are animated poses that appear on your profile banner, which festoon actual banners in the arena if your squad did well in the previous match. I don't personally understand how one could question the joy intrinsic to watching a robot being dunked on by a raven, but it should be obvious that this greatly elevates the importance of the matter. Observe.

The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed that we are not dealing with any ordinary bird. That's Bloodhound's bird: their loyal mascot, eye-gouger and friend. To Bloodhound. Not Mirage.

What does that raven think of the other five characters? We simply do not know. It is abundantly clear that this dearth of bird-centric assaults is a problem that must be addressed, and that collective action is the only path forward. Everyone reading this may now consider themselves a member of Birdstrike.

I'll leave our exact campaign strategy to be determined during our inaugural meeting, but in the meantime I would encourage you all to make cawing noises in the vicinity of any Respawn developers that happen to cross your path.

One day, comrades, I am convinced we will right this injustice. Until then, here is a GIF of Lifeline telling her drone off as if it were a dog.