Baldur's Gate 3 patch fixes "Exorcist" moments and infinite spell loops, also surprise dick shots

The latest Baldur's Gate 3 patch is out, and all anybody will talk about are the buggy invisible gnome underpants and the penises clipping through clothing. Larian themselves highlighted it in their patch notes, and the socials have predictably gone wild with talk of girthy githyankis. Well, some of us like to think of ourselves as serious journalists, thank you very much, so I'd like to call your attention to the, dare I say, more grown-up elements of the patch, which range from fine-tuning the tooltips to making dragons appear in the right place.

Tear your eyes from those lurid details of absentee knickers and glitchy sausages, and you'll see that Larian has fixed no less than 13 crash bugs and progress blockers, though sadly not the crash bug I always seem to get when I run the game in DirectX 11. They've also sorted out an issue with enemies entering combat when they're on a different floor, together with the occasional odd prolonged silence in over 200 dialogues, and a smattering of minor issues with cameras and clipping. See, this is the stuff video game news is rightly made of. None of your adolescent leering, thanks.

I always love reading bug notes because they are always a reminder that games are profoundly cursed artefacts, made up of a billion moving parts that constantly threaten to eat each other alive. Any impression of coherence is a glamour cast by a fairy made up of dozens upon dozens of QA staff. And when games break, the results can be magnificent.

For example, Larian have nobbled a Baldur's Gate 3 bug that causes Illusion spells to induce a state of paralysis, forcing enemies and the illusion itself to enter and leave combat repeatedly. Premise for a weird sidequest right there, surely? They've also nixed an issue whereby Druid leader Kagha's eyes would roll backwards into her skull, "a la Exorcist".

I hope bugs like these were as fun to uncover as they are to read about. I suspect they probably weren't - QA is an ordeal even when you aren't labouring away at a game with thousands of possible ending variations. At the very least, though, we can all agree that this is far more worthy of discussion than the unplanned appearance of a gnome's privies. No, I don't have any candid screenshots to share - don't be uncouth! Here, have a nice one of Gale rocking out instead.

If you absolutely must engage with the subject of surprise genitalia in Baldur's Gate 3, here's Alice B with the definitive write-up. Or if you’re a clean-living and contemplative soul who'd rather ponder the question of multiplayer scaling support, the full patch notes are over this way.

Here's Brendy's (RPS in peace) list of the nine best bugs in PC games, to play us out.