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Becoming Governor Is Hard When You're A Lobster-Man

Make Lobsters Great Again

If you're one of the millions upon millions of people bummed out by the American presidential race, you need to play You Are the Cannibal Lobster-Man Of New England, Can You Become The Governor Of Maine? It's a text adventure from Clickhole that has completely redeemed my faith in the political process. That a humble cannibalistic lobster-man could escape from captivity, eat a few scientists, and rise to start the revolution that America needs is the kind of story that would make Abraham Lincoln shed a single, presidential tear.

In a world teeming with political cynicism, Cannibal Lobster-Man gives me hope. Here's a mutant not wrapped up in the muddy blanket of politics; he just wants to eat people, lay his eggs in them, and become the governor of Maine.

The Onion's spinoff website, Clickhole, has a pretty great reputation for making bizarre and hilarious text adventures, and Cannibal Lobster-Man can stand proudly next the greats like You're George Lucas In 1975. Can You Create 'Star Wars'? So do yourself a favor, draw the curtains, turn off the television, and let Clickhole take you on a magical adventure about spraying pheromone-laced urine onto political advisers and eating single mothers.

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