If you're one of the millions upon millions of people bummed out by the American presidential race, you need to play You Are the Cannibal Lobster-Man Of New England, Can You Become The Governor Of Maine? It's a text adventure from Clickhole that has completely redeemed my faith in the political process. That a humble cannibalistic lobster-man could escape from captivity, eat a few scientists, and rise to start the revolution that America needs is the kind of story that would make Abraham Lincoln shed a single, presidential tear.
In a world teeming with political cynicism, Cannibal Lobster-Man gives me hope. Here's a mutant not wrapped up in the muddy blanket of politics; he just wants to eat people, lay his eggs in them, and become the governor of Maine.
The Onion's spinoff website, Clickhole, has a pretty great reputation for making bizarre and hilarious text adventures, and Cannibal Lobster-Man can stand proudly next the greats like You're George Lucas In 1975. Can You Create 'Star Wars'? So do yourself a favor, draw the curtains, turn off the television, and let Clickhole take you on a magical adventure about spraying pheromone-laced urine onto political advisers and eating single mothers.