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Have you played... Graveyard Keeper?

The ol' bone orchard

I have mentioned Graveyard Keeper before because for a few weeks it consumed me -- and every so often it still does. In it, you're hit by a car and wake up as the keeper of a medieval cemetery. It's like a version of Stardew Valley that Noel Fielding would tell you he played to make sure you know he's all goffic and weird.

In it you can grow vegetables and craft things, and trade with your neighbours in the village down the road. But you also tend your little garden of deados. Make sure the graves are all neat and that. Occasionally carve off some flesh to cook. My favourite bit, apart from almost all of it, is the donkey.

The donkey brings you new bodies to bury (or cremate, or potentially chuck in the river). At the start of the game he arrives almost every day, and, unusually, he is able to speak to you.

As time goes by, however, he unionises with himself, and goes on strike with some demands. He wants payment of ten carrots per corpse, and one day off per week. These are reasonable demands, and also serve to kick off your small kitchen garden. Once you've got your eye in with carrots, it's only a small step to lettuce! Radishes! Wheat!

Then you can make sandwiches out of human flesh.

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Graveyard Keeper

Xbox One, PC

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About the Author
Alice Bell avatar

Alice Bell

Deputy Editor

Small person powered by tea and books; RPS's dep ed since 2018. Send her etymological facts and cool horror or puzzle games.