I had something jolly clever and awfully funny to say about the first trailer for Crytek's virtual reality dinogame Robinson: The Journey [official site], and it was great and you would've loved it. Those Crysis folks never actually confirmed a PC version, though, we'd just assumed. So yesterday they announced it'll be a PlayStation 4 exclusive for PlayStation VR goggles, and that's us out. That's disappointing, both because we won't get fancy dinosaurs and because, you guys, that post would've been so good.
"Exclusive" is a very flexible word, especially when consoles are involved, but a string of tweets from Crytek's CryEngine account seem pretty clear that no, this won't be on PC or Oculus Rift. Crytek's Back to Dinosaur Island for Rift was clearly the spark that got them started on Robinson, but was only a tech demo. Anyway, until we hear otherwise, Robinson is no longer our concern.
Instead, let's delight in how I would have started this post if a PC version were coming:
After some foolish experiments in the '90s left dozens of people dead, scientists have mostly stopped trying to resurrect dinosaurs. It's fine, don't worry, now dinofans are only resurrecting them electron-sized within the secure confines of computers. Look at Crytek and their Robinson: The Journey, a first-person experience sort of thing with a dinosaur island safely inside y- wait, what? You have to put on virtual reality goggles and get shrunk down and travel inside your PC to confront the dinosaurs? Reader dear, do not do this - it is not safe.
Probably don't even watch this new trailer showing a snippet with hordes of dinosaurs. I cannot guarantee your safety.
I guess we don't get to live in a world with such sparkling wit. Thanks, Crytek.
Fine! Whatever. This trailer makes Robinson look like an on-rails quick-time event-o-rama anyway. NO YOU'RE BITTER.