Steam Charts: Extremely Jet Lagged Edition
I'm very tired
John had the presence of mind to take today off, after flying back from San Francisco on Sunday. Young Matt and I got a red eye that took off on Friday night and landed on Saturday afternoon. I didn’t sleep for 30 hours, then slept for 12, was wired for the next 16, and then slept for another four. Which brings us to today, when I am writing these charts, unsure which meal I should be having next and shaking off a lingering dose of The Fear, which I get from long haul flying more than I ever did from hangovers.
With that in mind, it’s me, back once again with the ill behaviour, to fill in doing the Steam Charts. I’m very much flying by the seat of my pants here, so let’s see what I come up with, shall we?
Bit of an unexpected one. Nowhere last week, but in like a bullet at 10, it’s everyone’s favourite bleak eating-orphans strategy game.
9. Sid Meier’s Civilization VI: Gathering Storm
This is the big chunky DLC to Civ 6 that sort of adds some climate change business to the game. A theme emerges. Yes, yes, we are all doomed.
8. Assassin’s Creed Odyssey
Sinister machinations all around us. Cults embedded in our politics. I played a lot of Odyssey whilst listening to three hour long episodes of a podcast that analyses Alex Jones. It’s all coming together. Elon Musk thinks we’re all living in a simulation. Perhaps we are. And within that simulation we are embedding ever more complex simulations to distract from how awful the main simulation is.
7. Far Cry New Dawn
Post nuclear bombs dropping, the world of Far Cry 5 still has a messianic cult, but also now has mutant fish and a boar that can come back to life. When I was about 12 years old we had to read a book at school called Children Of The Dust, which was about nuclear war. It wasn’t a great book for a nervous 12 year old to read to be honest. One of the activities we did was to make up imaginary government issued safety pamphlets about avoiding windows and blocking chimneys and the like. That was a weird curriculum, when I think about it.
6. Two Point Hospital
Okay this one is actually fun and nice and about healing, so enjoy a respite from my doom. It’s in the charts again because of the new DLC, I think. Vidbud Alice L. did a nice video about it.
5. Total War: Warhammer II
My sources (Alice O.) reveal that this had a hefty discount the past couple of weeks, which is probably what accounts for it popping up in the charts. Tiny men and monsters smashing against one another. So many factions. Endless war.
4. GTA V again
GTA V is back up to £25 this week. It’s got to the point that I think some of you are buying new computers to get more copies of this, stacking them around you and running around GTA Online as six different characters at once.
3. Devil May Cry 5
Did you see where the special edition of this includes the placeholder cutscenes that use toys and props and so on? Why aren’t you all buying the Deluxe Edition, you fools?!
The Murderburgers are a high energy yet melancholic punk band from Scotland, and are one of the best UK punk bands around (and definitely one of the best punk bands with a vaguely food-themed name. See also: Pizzatramp). This song is called ‘Turning 29 Was A Mistake.
Big, as the kids say, mood. Although actually turning 29 has been pretty baller. Hm. Maybe things aren’t so bad after all.
1. Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice
I’ve never been one for Souls games. I recognise the artistry involved, but I don’t find the endless cycle of learning, death, and gradual progress restful or zen. It’s like a goth Groundhog Day where nobody gets to kiss Andie MacDowell. Maybe Sekiro is different? A bunch of staff at RPS are playing this, and a review is forthcoming, but in the meantime here's vidbud Matthew having a play:
Perhaps in the sequel the shinobi you play as will team up with James Bond. On the plane I watched A Star Is Born and thought “I would have gone to see this in the cinema if it had starred Bradley Walsh instead of Bradley Cooper.” Can you imagine, though? Hollywood just doesn’t take risks anymore. I told Young Matt to try and make him laugh, but he didn’t know who either Bradley was. Ah well.