OK! OK! Look, thank you, yes, yes, I know, thank you. Yes, it's very exciting that I'm here with this week's Steam Charts, but come on, please, sit down now, that's really enough. Oh, come on, all of you, you're lovely, but it's only little me. Goodness gracious!
Posts tagged “Steam Charts”
Welcome to the Award Winning Steam Charts! Yes, you heard that right! I wrote "Award Winning"! It hasn't technically won any awards, but since everyone can agree it should have, it seems like it would almost be lying not to write it. But enough about how bloody brilliant I am, here are the top grossing games on your Steams this week.
Words are ill-equipped to describe how dull this week's Steam Charts truly are. Read on to see how I combat that. But also, thank goodness there's at least the interesting feature that Plunkbat has, for the first time since it shot to the top of the charts on its release, dropped to third place. Its year-long grip on the top spot was beginning to waver…
I know what you're up to, "videogames". I see you. I see what's happening here. You think you're getting away with it, but not on my watch buddy. Not on my foil-wrapped watch. Here are the top 10 games to watch out for this week.
Hello! Goodness me, it's good to have you with us. If you're reading this sentence on Steam, then I simply implore you to click through to the site to read what has been described by Simon Pulitzer as "the greatest games journalism the world has ever been blessed to receive."
Welcome to my nightmares. As chronicled last week, all human progress is wiped out by a Steam Sale. Where once we were a species that revelled in new, interesting ideas, pursuing our dreams, we are once more wedged neck-deep in the past, doomed to buy the same £40 five-year-old games until we rot and coagulate into a molten horror. Welcome to the Steam Charts!
I have reached a conclusion. Everything that's bad is the fault of Steam sales. Two weeks ago these charts had reached a place of being a fertile ground of interesting new games and discounted classics. Today, they're back to being mostly a miserably predictable list of games that even the undiscovered tribes of Papua New Guinea have on their Steam accounts.
Hallo! Me again, filling in (slightly late) while John is handcuffed to a steering wheel for other duties. The Steam Charts were all shook up (mm mm mmh!) last week by the launch of Steam's summer sale, including propelling a lump of hardware into the top ten for the first time in ages. A number of older games have rocketed back too, boosted by sale…
As you stare out into the world, at the tumult and turmoil, perhaps you feel the only hope is to turn to the Steam Charts for its comforting predictability and stability. I'm sorry folks, but it's all gone batshit crazy in here too.
"Miss, Miss, it's so sunny, can we have Steam Charts on the field?" "NO. Sit down and write about popular PC games in this oppressively hot room until the DAY YOU DIE."
Thank goodness you're here! If you weren't to read the Steam Charts today, you would DIE.
Please sit down. Make sure you have a friend with you, or available on the telephone. Plunkbat isn't at number one. Somehow, it's something even more boring. But the rest of the charts are a splendid sight! No GTA, no CS:GO, no Witcher 3, no Skyrim!
A pleasingly fresh collection of games dominating the top ten Steam moneymakers this week, along with the shock absence of Counter-Strike: GO! No shocks at the #1 spot, but a couple of surprising appearances in the top 5.
Hallo! John's away so I'm taking over for our latest weekly rundown of the biggest-selling games on Steam over the previous seven days. Familiar faces are here, of course, but the charts also include more survival games than I've seen in yonks. The slightest peek of sun outside and you lot start acting as if it's the end of the world, eh?
Hullo! John is preoccupied with wizards right now, so I'm taking over for the rundown of last week's top ten on Steam. It was an interesting week, bringing back some welcome old games and slamming in some shiny new ones. Largely, it's all about robots and survival.
As I drag my groggy-faced body to the monitor at 6.30 each Monday morning, I click the bookmark for my Steam Charts RSS and scrunch up my face so my forehead and nose curl over my eyes. How bad will it be? How familiar will the list of five-year-old games be? How will I think of... BUT WHAT IS THIS?!!?! FOUR new entries! Far Cry…
With Steam's big VR Spring Sale on, obviously the charts are a bit full of... ha ha ha, no of course not. No one wants VR. Same old same old.
Join us for our weekly skip through the bountiful fields of fresh gaming joy! Hold our hand as we guide you down the top ten selling games on Steam, to discover which heart-lifting original content has caught the attention of the enthused gaming public! Someone please help me!
As the Steam Charts slowly attempt to reassemble themselves after last week's complete collapse under the weight of Far Cry 5, think of this week's compilation as the moment the thought-destroyed terrifying monster is halfway through its grotesque reforming. Witness as its undulating viscera twists through recongealing flesh, a bleak but ghoulish moan emanating from deep within its darkest soul.
Right, well, I've had a month off writing this it seems, so it's time to check that Brendan and Alice have been looking after the Steam Charts properly. Obviously it requires regular watering, and perhaps most importantly, weeding, to prevent things getting out of contr... ALICE AND BRENDAN! COME HERE IMMEDIATELY!
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