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Posts tagged “Steam Charts”

Feature: Plop Ten

Steam Charts: Bubbling Trousers Edition

It's another dire old week in Chartland, with the last breaths of the Summer Sale ensuring, with the exception of spots #4 and #5, that all the usual suspects dominate. But we won't let that change us! We're better than this! We're going to have fun anyway!

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Feature: Running it into the ground

Steam Charts: Got The Runs Edition

Yes, yes, it's me. I know, I know, but calm down. While it's obviously very exciting to have a celebrity as handsome and excellent as me writing you some Steam Charts, I'm still just a regular ordinary guy underneath it all. I leap into my trousers both legs at once, same as anyone else.

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Feature: It's all in bad fun

Steam Charts: Summer Sale Silliness sEdition

If there's one thing that's guaranteed to sweep through the Steam Charts like a giant fart, it's a Steam Sale. Blowing out all the fresh, original or interesting new releases, the mid-year discount warehouse (Junction 45 off the M91) ensures it's a top 10 of games you already bought or decided you don't want to buy. So who is buying them? Baddies. You lot are…

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Feature: Trollerant

Steam Charts: Meaningful Effluence Edition

Hello friendly people! Welcome to the always-lovely, always-cheerful soft-play-of-fun-and-hyphens that is Steam Charts! Today we're going to laugh together, learn together, and maybe, just maybe, if we're lucky, laugh and learn a little. Please, pull up a trouser, take a seat (take as many seats as you need - we have too many seats), and prepare to enjoy, laugh, and maybe even learn.

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Feature: Everyone Is Awful

Steam Charts: The Worst Week Ever Edition

I'm declaring it: this is the Worst Week Ever for Steam Charts. And let's face it - this is entirely your fault. If you were a better person, you'd buy better games. But instead you buy the same eight bloody games every bloody week, and then buy a game that isn't even out for over a year. A YEAR! You are awful, and you do…

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Feature: Rhyming slang for cream tarts

Steam Charts: Errant Cardiogram Edition

This week: Rude swears! Writing about more interesting games than the ones you boring people keep buying! And battle advice to people who've been dead 1,800 years! It's some Steam Charts.

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Feature: Dream Farts more like

Steam Charts: Cleft In Twain Edition

Hello person. This is the Steam Charts, the weekly round-up of the top-grossing PC games on the online store Steam. We write it cynically to collect your clicks, and then we take those clicks and we use them to poke innocent orphans in their stupid orphan eyes.

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Feature: Against the dying of the charts

Steam Charts: rats, rage, rain, and rending

Our former John (RPS in peace) has vanished in odd circumstances, last heard claiming he'll be flying through the sky in a big metal snake, so I'm taking over this week. Not even an employee anymore and he's still making work for me. Join me for a stroll down the hit parade to inspect last week's top-selling games on Steam.

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Feature: Deep Blue Something

Steam Charts: Getting Dishy With The Fishy Edition

WARNING: If you're reading this, there is a very strong chance you're looking at news on your favourite game. Please, it's imperative you click on to discover crucial information.

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Feature: Child Labour

Steam Charts: Blood From A Four-Year-Old Edition

OK, two things on the agenda. Firstly, I'm heading off on my expedition to attempt to break the Curse Of Steam Charts for the next couple of weeks. I'm returning to Ursidae, Caniformia, to find that ancient temple once more and attempt to appease the enraged spirit of Horace. Hopefully we'll never speak again! Secondly, Toby's back! This week's Steam Charts are brought to you…

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Feature: Ah.

Steam Charts: Oh So This Is A Thing Edition

Haha, that was funny last week wasn't it! Remember how we did that whole bit where I had left RPS, but then I was still stuck writing Steam Charts? Heh, they do some good goofs at this site. Anyway, let's... [looks straight into camera]

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Feature: WHAT THE F....

Steam Charts: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO Edition

Hello, and welcome to RPS's weekly round-up of the top selling games on Steam for the last weeeeee... WHAT?

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Feature: Hardly kiss me

Steam Charts: Grand Finale Edition

It has happened. The day spoken of in legend. After two years, I am finally to be set free of the Curse Of Steam Charts. All its taken is entirely leaving my job in four days time to end this purgatory. The only decision left is to whom I shall pass this vexation. That, and how to avoid mentioning the actual games for one more…

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Feature: Cogs and levers

Steam Charts: RPS’s Greatest Secrets Revealed Edition

As this is my penultimate edition of Steam Charts, before I return to nuzzle into the warm infinite belly of Horace for all of time, I thought it might be fun to take a bit of a look behind the scenes of Steam Charts, to see how this weekly column comes together. So, hey, join me as we step behind the curtain, and learn a…

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Feature: Refreshingly doom-ridden

Steam Charts: Entropy Edition

As time inexorably ticks away, its guttural screaming horror counting down the seconds until our infinite deaths, it's important we remember what really matters: that the game you like best isn't as good as the game I like best. The game you like best, the game you like reading about the most, is indicative of how foolish you are, how you're wasting your precious moments…

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Feature: I'm very tired

Steam Charts: Extremely Jet Lagged Edition

John had the presence of mind to take today off, after flying back from San Francisco on Sunday. Young Matt and I got a red eye that took off on Friday night and landed on Saturday afternoon. I didn’t sleep for 30 hours, then slept for 12, was wired for the next 16, and then slept for another four. Which brings us to today, when…

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Feature: While John's away, an Alice will play

Steam Charts: Devil May Die Twice

Oh hello! John is away in San Francisco gobbling up gum left on the underside of chairs at the Game Developers Conference, so I'm filling in for our regular rundown of last week's top-selling games on Steam. As is customary for weeks where I need to take over, the charts are full of the surprises he grumbles they never have. What can I say, John…

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Feature: Hot Fresh Content

Steam Charts: Weeping Sore Edition

Hahaha, I can't believe you think the game you like is good! The game you like ISN'T good! Your liking the game you like makes you look just SO silly. Find out which games everyone else likes, and then start liking those games instead, with our handy Steam Charts guide.

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Feature: It's coming apart at the seams

Steam Charts: Pretty Broken Edition

I'm nothing if not a hypocrite. Week after week I lament you utterly awful people buying the exact same five games again and again and again and again and again and again and again. This week I shall lament people buying games that barely even exist. Hold my hand, let me walk you through this most peculiar of weeks, and into oncoming traffic.

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