Cute robots are the most dangerous kind of robot. They trick you into thinking they’re harmless and friendly and then before you know it they’re cutting your face off with a laser. Why do they even need lasers!? I’m immediately suspicious of the otherwise pleasant-looking settlement building game, The Colonists, because it's off-world colonies are being established by - you guessed it - cute robots. It’s coming to Steam Early Access on November 9.
Humanity has discovered a habitable planet, but can’t be arsed with all the effort that goes into establishing a colony on a distant world. That’s where the robots come in. Their human masters have sent them hurtling across the stars to their new home, where they’ve got to make it comfy for their fleshy overlords.
You can see them getting to work in this here trailer.
I have many questions. Why do robots need meat? And why are they building primitive hovels? And why do all of the aforementioned hovels have chimneys? Do robots get cold? This is very confusing.
According to the press release, players will have to advance through various ages, from the stone age to the space age, and again, I’m a bit baffled. I suppose they just forgot to bring all the stuff they’d need to construct a modern colony, but why bother building these little wooden cabins at all, unless the actual colonists arrive very quickly? The trailer certainly doesn’t show any of them wandering around. Just robots, as far as the eye can see.
Aside from building, the wee bots will also need to harvest natural resources, trade or fight with other civilisations, explore the planet and research new technology. The Colonists will also feature a single player campaign, a free-play mode, competitive multiplayer and co-op.
I suppose I’m going to have to take it for a spin when it launches on Steam next month, if only to find answers to my multitude of questions.