Posts Tagged ‘excalibur publishing’

Hallelujah: Chemical Spillage Simulation Is Real

By Nathan Grayson on May 25th, 2013.

Nondescript warehouse boxes are a leading cause of radiation.

Fact: 52848202102395 chemicals spill every hour. Another fact: said spillages have resulted in the near-extinction of humanity on countless occasions. Third fact: one such spillage recently caused me to forget the meaning of the word “fact”. Fortunately, Chemical Spillage Simulation will soon be on the scene to save the day. Or teach me to save the day, anyway. It’s about stopping oozing, multi-tendriled sludgetastrophes before they ever happen, but instead of going about it the normal way (time travel), you use meticulously calibrated analysis vehicles, tools, and robots. Be still, my beating heart. Oh wait, that’s just my Geiger counter.

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Night Drive: Euro Truck Simulator 2

By Adam Smith on March 13th, 2013.

Manchester to Sheffield, Sheffield to Swansea, Swansea to Stuttgart. I’ve been haunting the highways and low roads of Europe as I aim to build a freight empire the likes of which the world has never seen before. My convoys will convey powdered milk from Berlin to Paris, and machine parts from Edinburgh to Frankfurt. Or, failing that, I’ll just fill my playlist with electronic ambience and watch the world roll past the window. This is Euro Truck Simulator 2.

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Get Over Yourself: Bridge Project Demo

By Adam Smith on November 6th, 2012.

“Are you ready for the next bridge building challenge?” The website for Bridge Project lists other works, including Bridge It, Bridge Construction Set, Pontifex and Gish. One of those is not like the others. The Bridge Project is out now and, with the release, here’s another Tuesday afternoon demo for you. As your shoddy physical constructs tremble and collapse think of them as the hope for togetherness and bipartisanship on the most crucial issues of our time. Then try again. Try harder. There are some bridges below for you to look at.

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Constructive: The Bridge Project

By John Walker on October 25th, 2012.

It’s certainly true that we like to have a snigger at the increasingly niche and silly tractor/camping/truck simulating games. But the latest from Excalibur Publishing’s inexhaustible supply of simulations is The Bridge Project. And it… it looks kind of interesting.

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All The Fun Of The Fear: Circus World

By Adam Smith on September 21st, 2012.

The horn is glued to his face every morning

I think Circus World is trying to be a bit like Theme Park, except with alcoholic clowns and depressed animals instead of joy. The trailer makes the entire circus look smaller than a reasonably sized back garden, with four or five vagrants rounded up and forced to attend and applaud wildly lest a sad-eyed harlequin eats them. An elephant teeters, balanced on a wheel in a tiny ring as onlookers gasp in terror and amazement. The inevitability of a dead family being scraped from beneath his fallen flank is already evident in the tears that roll down the imprisoned pachyderm’s wise cheek. A corpse is fired from a cannon. The circus does not care. The circus is a caravan of dreams. Available now, trailer below.

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This Rocks: Stone Quarry Simulator

By Jim Rossignol on March 9th, 2012.

Haha, this rocks. I am a funny.
Our work is complete, here at Castle Shotgun, when we receive the latest news from simulation impresarios Excalibur. This week’s transmission informs us of the unlikely-sounding Stone Quarry Simulator, in which you can use digging machines and/or explosives to drag the hard bits from the guts of the world. Excalibur implore us to “Embark on exciting excavations where only the most enterprising engineer will become king of the quarry!” King of the quarry. That sounds awesome. And I am also betting it’s not an actual feature of the game. If it is, then I will very pleased indeed.

It also features what seems to be the theme tune from an American teen-drama, as you can see in the trailer below.
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Grand Theft Organ: Emergency Ambulance Simulator

By Adam Smith on February 6th, 2012.

A flotilla fit for a Health King

Crazy Taxi was half of a decent game. The driving about at silly speeds in order to pick up a fare and ferry him to his destination had the potential to be extraordinary good fun. What youngster doesn’t dream of being a taxi driver? A crazy taxi driver no less? But despite flirting with perfection and even caressing her cheek, Crazy Taxi had a serious flaw. The people waiting for your services weren’t bleeding, vomiting, broken wretches, shivering and wracked with agony. Thankfully, Emergency Ambulance Simulator has arrived to correct that severe oversight.

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Airport Firefighter Simulator

By Alec Meer on January 24th, 2012.

What the Pyro gets up to on weekdays

What, you thought I was going to put a gag in the headline? You think that those three words are not beautiful and perfect enough on their own? How you sicken me, you artless philistine.

Yes, the latest in a long line of labour machinery-based sims you would never dream existed is Airport Firefighter Simulator, in which you are all that stands in front of certain, explosive disaster. Quotes like this are simply amazing: “Even the most routine duties of aircraft refuelling and cargo management carry the chance of conflagration so you must always be on your guard to prevent a minor incident becoming a major inferno.”
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My First Day On Patrol With: Police Force

By Jim Rossignol on December 7th, 2011.


It’s been a while since I’ve been able to able to really get stuck into any kind of municipal simulation in my day job, so I was delighted to realise that there was nothing better to do today than crack open my copy of Police Force and “experience law enforcement like never before”. Join me for the first day on the beat with Marc Angel and his implacable sidekick, Susan. (Yes, that is actually what they are called in the game.)
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Street-Cleanin’ Man: Street Cleaning Simulator

By Jim Rossignol on July 8th, 2011.

Hello, ladies.
Discovering that this game existed was a moment of perverse joy for me. I knew that it would be deeply boring – it really is – and that I would have to play it extensively for no reason other than to take joy in being quite deliberately boring. It’s the kind of non-challenge I relish, and I gleefully set about compiling a diary of the events – or lack thereof – in the life of a simulatory street-cleaner.

Read on to find out how I got on with that.

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Bare Bones: Surgery Simulator Out 25th Feb

By Jim Rossignol on February 4th, 2011.


Excalibur Publishing are diversifying a bit from their line of transport and utility-vehicle simulators to bring us, uh, Surgery Simulator. The announcement blurb explains that that the game features the following operations – see if you can spot the odd one out: “Cataract, Varicose veins (varicosis), Gall bladder removal (laparoscopic cholecystectomy), Hernia (herniotomy), Treatment of a lower leg fracture, Tonsil removal (tonsillectomy), Appendix removal (appendectomy), Traffic accident.”

Hmm. Also of relevance: “Attention! This product is a computer game and not for training or tuition purposes!!! The product is NOT suitable for conveying specialist knowledge in medicine or surgery.” Aww.

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4000 Metres Down: Dive To The Titanic

By Jim Rossignol on January 27th, 2011.


Huh, not sure how we missed this before now. PCG points out that Excalibur – those kings of random simulation publishing – released Dive To The Titanic, or DIVE to the TITANIC, to give it the proper formatting, which is a game about piloting a deep-sea mini-sub to explore the wreck of the Titanic. The trailer (in the depths below) is ludicrously hyperbolic, and the game looks pretty full on. Vicarious claustrophobia feelings, ahoy!
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Hot Diggity: Digger Simulator 2011!

By John Walker on November 10th, 2010.

Oh. My. God.

Forget CODBLOPS. Here’s the news you’ve been waiting for. Digger Simulator 2011 is to be released on December 3rd. From the makers of Digger Simulator, the latest version will let you “learn to excavate like the professionals.” We’ve got screenshots below!

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