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A Braindance With Death: Cyberpunk's Snazzy Teaser

WITH BONUS GIGANTIC WITCHER 3 TEASE. But we'll get to that in a moment.

First up, Cyberpunk 2077. CD Projekt's finally seen fit to crack the whip on its legion of cybernetically enhanced hamsters and power up its hyperfuture projector, resulting in a trailer that looks too good to be true. And that's because it is, being a CG-based teaser and all. Still though, it's still our first real glimpse into the post-human dystopia CDP's envisioning, and - assuming you don't drown in a quicksand mire of slow-mo - there are some pretty intriguing sights to be had. For instance, a bullet-proof woman who managed to fulfill my lifelong dream of evolving into a Scyther. Oh, and before this post ends, you'll know what a braindance is. For now, though, a sobering hint: it doesn't summon a rain of brains from the sky. I know. I was disappointed too.

So I guess she cleaned up her act, shaved her head, and then joined the force? I think that's what's being implied here. Guh, why does dramatic slow motion always have to make everything so confusing? Also, why was she rampaging about in her underwear? Was the really necessary? Oh, right: CD Projekt.

Speaking of, the sometimes less-than-subdued developer explained the scene as follows:

"The teaser shows how the Psycho Squad might acquire a new member. The Psycho Squad specializes in combating 'psychos' - individuals who overuse implants and substances that boost or otherwise alter the human body. There comes a point when they overdose on these innovations, and their bodies start to rebel against their biological body parts as well as all things organic around them. Simply put, they start killing people, who they now derisively call 'meatbags.'"

Meanwhile, CDP also sent along more information about the culture of Cyberpunk 2077's world. Apparently, senses-overwhelming "braindances" - a new form of entertainment - will be a central source of ideological conflict. Basically, they let people live others' experiences - every sight, sound, smell, taste, and emotion - so some people get addicted and decide real life isn't worth the hassle. I'm pretty sure I read a short story about that exact idea once, but it's still a fascinating concept. Also, hi there, overt allegory for videogames. But anyway.

"OK, fine," you're probably thinking, "but where are all the spells, swords, and silver-haired amnesiacs?" Well, whoever you are, that's a strange question to be asking given the subject matter, but CDP went ahead and answered it anyway. The all-seeing infini-eye that is Reddit noticed a brief flash of text at 2:14 in the trailer, and - as it turns out - it wasn't just for show. In addition to promising a real Cyberpunk trailer "in the future," the Polish mega-studio teased an additional, probably-Witcher-3-related announcement for next month.

"And that's not all that's new, we are about the reveal our other project which is much closer to being completed. And yes, it will also be a fully open-world game with an intense story. You can probably guess the game we're talking about. On the 5th of February it will be all clear."

Hmmmm. But yes, this is exciting news! The Witcher 2 was a marvellously multi-pathed murder frolic, and Cyberpunk looks to take that same spirit into very new territory. I am hopeful. Also, I just released that the term "braindance" sounds kind of dirty.

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