Europa Universalis IV Launches New Expansion; Crusader Kings II Rewards Cannibals

A new Europa Universalis IV [official site] expansion, named Rights of Man, is out today. This means that people who pay £15 can play with expanded diplomatic options as a Great Power. As is the traditional Paradox grand strategy way, a big update has launched alongside this expansion with fixes and additions for all.

Look, if I sound half-hearted, it's because I'm reading the notes for a Crusader Kings II patch Paradox also released today, and that has the lot: cats, fraudulent mystics, and cannibals finding human heads in their beds. EU4 is a let-down on the japery front.

Anyway, so, Rights of Man. It brings newbits including special new diplomatic abilities for Great Powers, monarchs and leaders having personalities and traits granting bonuses, being able to give subject nations "more specific instructions" with wars, and a grab bag of other features that make it seem a pretty general-purpose expansion. It's £14.99/19,99€/$19.99 on Steam.

The free EU4 update launching alongside Rights of Man brings hundreds of fixes, tweaks, and additions to all players. Look, I'm sure a lot of these are very meaningful to EU4, but as patch notes they're not much fun. "Nationalist rebels will no longer demand provinces outside their own culture," anyone? No?

In contrast, check out the delightful patch notes for Crusader Kings II v2.6.2. Right out the gate they're strong, with some cracking-sounding additions to the recent plague-y expansion, Reaper's Due:

- More Cat and Dog events
- Suicide event chain, with special outcomes for immortal characters
- Added new event chain, Play Chess with Death
- Added new event chain, Mask of the Red Death
- Devouring the Head of a religion not your own may give Sympathy towards it. You are what you eat.

What a strange and wonderful game CK2 is. The scale and focus of its historical simulation is pitched perfectly for these weird things. I like to imagine space aliens discovering old patch notes and trying to decipher what this 'Crusader Kings II' was.

- Added special text for cannibals who find a human head on their bed
- Mystics bringing promises of eternal life are more likely to be frauds
- Fixed an issue were a reincarnated character would mess up the dynasty tree
- Regrowing lost limbs now removes phantom pain
- Zoroastrians and Messalians can now seduce their close family members
- You can no longer appoint yourself as a Shieldmaiden
- WoL event about your hunting dog maiming someone now has a neater tooltip
- Children and other characters unfit to lead troop will no longer lead siege defense

What a game! I'd like to see a game jam where people design games backwards from CK2 patch notes, creating a game to accomodate these odd and disparate tweaks.

"I started playing again for the first time in ages a couple of weeks back," Adam tells me to add to this post, "and my first character died, bleeding from his eyes. Felt like coming home."

Sounds about right.

Try harder next time, Europa Universalis.