To The BetaMobile: Infinite Crisis Open Beta

Last night, for the second time in my life, I tried to play a MOBA. Infinite Crisis may not be the best choice but I figured the people playing might have spent slightly less time pounding the lanes than the veteran e-thletes of LOL and DOTA 2. Not so. The open beta began this weekend but almost every player seems to be visiting from elsewhere within the genre. There is a tutorial mode of sorts, in which a team of humans fight against bots. If a MOBA were a pair of trousers, I think I'm now at the point where I'd struggle to put them on but I'd be able to explain where the legs are supposed to go. I'd almost certainly fail to zip up the flies though and would inexplicably fill the pockets with termites or blancmange. Launch trailer below.

Why did I choose to play this? I have a soft spot for DC, despite the crappiness of around 48 parts of the New 52. When I was around thirteen, I discovered a few boxes of old comics and magazines in the loft, and I was for more interested in the stacks of ancient Batman comics than the back issues of Playboy. One issue with back issues of gentleman's literature is that you don't know who else has issued forth in too-close proximity.

That may well be true of Batman comics as well, particularly if they feature Bruce Wayne in his finest banana-chomping, egg-swilling topless mode, but I had to know how this sad event had come to pass and who could resist the good times that were concealed by this cover? An adventure so grand that it keeps Batman and Robin glued to the page, the big egomaniacs.

I don't think the license alone is enough to keep my interest here though. Just as I'd refuse to wear a onesie even if it had a neat batsuit design, complete with utility belt, I'm struggling to find a reason to return to this or any other MOBA. I just don't have the necessary time to invest in the testing early stages. Or perhaps I just need a better class of MOBA. And onesie.

Mmmmmm...cashmere onesie. Or, dare I say, Bruce Wayne excess torso hair onesie.