Skip to main content

An Important Update About The Witcher 3's Beard Physics

You can't grow home

Is a beard growing through the course of videogame physics? I'm not entirely sure: maybe it's just beard biology? But I'm certain my life has been empty and pointless without the excuse to say 'beard physics' on a regular basis, so you can be damn sure I'm seizing the opportunity today.

The reason for this is that good old Geralt's beard will become steadily longer as you play through the Witcher 3. "Not Gandalf long", disappointingly, but "really long" is promised. I'm guessing somewhere between Owner Of Hipster Cereal Cafe Long and Brian Blessed Long myself.

But, your follicularly-obsessed mind surely howls in timeless anguish, how is this going to work if you install the Witcher 3's free hair and beardstyle DLC? I'm glad you asked. I'm only glad because I have an answer. I'm not usually good with questions. The answer is this: well, it pretty much won't. The default beard will grow as you journey on, but your own specially-selected beard will remain static, as CD Projekt RED decided they don't want their players having to regularly re-apply the relevent style. Which sounds like a missed opportunity for a facial grooming minigame to me, quite frankly. I mean, do you want to roleplay as a burly bloke roaming through the wildnerness or don't you?

Here's the full quote from CDP, as given to Eurogamer (after NeoGAF dug up the initial info about a living beard): "The beard grows as time passes and when Geralt moves between locations. The beard has several "states" and these states determine its length - the longest is really long but it's not Gandalf-long."

Beard physics.

Important Beard News ends.

Read this next