“I Am Not A Carrier”

In his round-up of Black Ops videos earlier today, Quinns forgot one very important clip. Very, very important. Crucial, as far as I’m concerned.

It concerns the player characters in one of the game’s two Zombie modes – something that, quite frankly, is the first time to date that I’ve felt even a flicker of personal (i.e. not purely professional) interest in Treyarch’s franchise-nicking shooter. Spoilers below. But if you feel a similar level of disinterest in Black Ops, you should probably take a look.


These are the four playable stars of the new-look Zombie mode, which is in the broadest respects a remake of the popular Nazi Zombies banal-o-survival mode in CoD: World At War. They’re repeating that, by the sound of it, but also bundling in a new Cold War-set alternative. This one’s clearly going for character as well as arcadesome points-based mega-slaying, however. Why? Well, because:

Kennedy (J. F.)

Castro (F)

MacNamara (R)

Nixon (R)

Together at last: solving the Cuban missile crisis and clearing out an infected Pentagon one dead-head at a time.

Activision apparently keep pulling these vids, so get ’em while they’re hot and sorry if this one ends up blocked before you get to it).

“Sourrnds like someooooone bbreaking iiiin!”

Nixon! Watergate-buffoon Nixon! Nixon! Tricky Dicky! Y’know, this guy:

I can kill zombies whilst bellowing Nixon-esque soundbytes/lies? No, this is too good. Too good. And it means there’s a sense of humour somewhere in this hitherto apparently cheerless money-grabber. It means… it means Call of Duty isn’t The Great Evil it’s become so easy to think it is. Well, maybe. Unless it out-and-out heroises Nixon, which wouldn’t entirely surprise me, given the America The Brave tendencies of this series.

I’m presuming the shouty meathead in the earlier video was MacNamara, which means we’re going to have to hang on (probably until release later this month) to find out what Nixon’s like. Sweaty-faced and “Aroooooo”-ing merrily, hopefully, whilst taking the occasional cheeky pot-shot at JFK’s back.

Goddamnit. Now I want to play Black Ops. Damn it.

Valve must be feeling a little narked though, eh?


  1. PleasingFungus says:

    The animation is very strange. Especially on Kennedy’s head – he looks like a bird, jerking this way and that.

    It is a funny idea, though. Can’t deny it.

  2. Brumisator says:

    With another CoD title leaked to the X360 before release, the “PC is a den of pirates” argument is getting really really thin.

    L4D is a cool concept, and this is not the 1st time it’s being copied. I have high doubts that this zombie mode will surpass it in any fashion, though.

    • Centy says:

      There were coop Zombie games long before L4D and infact I seem to remember World At War came out before L4D and had the zombie mode in at release.

    • Joof says:

      They were released 7 days apart, so it’s not like one could real copy the other.

    • radomaj says:

      And, you know, the fact that the WaW Zombie mode is closer to Killing Floor than L4D.

  3. Thristhart says:

    This is utterly hilarious.

    Since when is Activision allowing humour in their games?

    • coldwave says:

      They do not allow their developers to have fun whhile making games.

      That’s why this mod is going to fail, you can’t just force boring office-drones to be funny.

  4. WiPa says:

    Left 4 Dead much?

  5. TCM says:

    Now I want Left 4 Dev even more.

    Schafer, Wright, Meier, Newell: Left 4 Dev

    • Davie says:

      This is a good plan.

    • AndrewC says:

      With all due respect, Newell should probably be the boomer.

      And for the rest, here are the followingly, horribly forced conparisons:

      Molyneaux can be the smoker, what with the long tongue, and him always talking, you see.

      Romero can be the tank, because he’s all roidy and RAAAARRGGH.

      The hunter can be whoever the head of Zynga is, as their social games pin you to the spot with hideous social addiction and then tear away at your flesh one micropayment bite at a time.

      And the witch can be CliffyB, because assigning the witch to a lady-developer is a minefield of latent misogyny, so i’ll give it to the dev of the king of all whiny teenage lady-hating: Gears Of War.

    • dragon_hunter21 says:

      You almost made me choke on my Halloween jujubes.

      Left 4 Dev 2: HL2E2
      They’ll Get There- Eventually

  6. Katsumoto says:

    I believe this is a genuine laugh out loud situation, or a “GLOL” as the kids call it these days. GLOL!

  7. Unaco says:

    Richard Milhous Nixon.

    You never let us down.

    Also, he’s one of the reasons that August 8th is such a beautiful day.

  8. Gabe Kotick says:

    “Valve must be feeling a little narked though, eh?”

    You know what Black Ops needs? An item store.

  9. The Hammer says:

    ‘s not really Meet The Spy, is it?

  10. Dan Forinton says:

    “I’m meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies!”

    • Rich says:

      Evil robot Nixon is baaaaaaack!

    • Shadram says:

      “Once I’m swept into office, I’ll sell our children’s organs to zoos for meat, and I’ll go into people’s houses at night and wreck up the place. Muahahaha!”

      As an aside, when I have to read something really, really boring for work, I find it often helps to read it in Futurama Nixon’s voice in my head. It makes anything a lot more entertaining. Although it does make me doubt the factualness (is that a word?) of what I’m reading.

    • GT3000 says:


      The word you’re looking for is “accuracy” of the document you’re reading. Factual information is labeled as accurate and false information as inaccurate.

      The more you know.

      [-Shooting star with rainbow.-]

    • Shadram says:

      Yep, cheers. I was having a bit of a brain-fart moment. In my defense, it was very early in the morning and I hadn’t quite finished my first coffee.

  11. pupsikaso says:

    Huh? Why would Valve be feeling “narked”?

  12. Jimbo says:

    Cool news, shame the back half of the article reads like a frothy GameTrailers comment.

  13. Shakermaker says:

    Kennedy with a very cocksure voice: “Zombies.” I lost it right there. Great premise.

  14. Rinox says:

    For, some reason I am reminded of the Manic Street Preachers

  15. Rei Onryou says:

    I do so hope that Nixon is based on the Futurama Nixon. If so, it’ll be the first time I’d be willing to buy a CoD game in a loooong time.


    • Ted says:

      sure sounds like the same guy!

      also, why hate on this one, there will be mods & stuff for this game, unlike full of themselves IW.

  16. lemming77 says:

    This has made me much more interested in Call of Duty. Up until now, they’ve seemed like Ross Kemp; always quick to point out how ‘ard and manly it is. And for once, I’m actually interested in a Call of Duty game.

  17. Dominic White says:

    I would gladly pay $10-15 to have this mode as a seperate game, but they’re bundling it in with a lot of stuff I just don’t care about.

    As it stands, I’ll probably just rent the 360 version of CODBLOPS for a week or two instead.

    • dragon_hunter21 says:

      I declare this the official acronym for Call of Duty: Black Ops.

      Pronounced phonetically, as well.

  18. Orvidos says:

    Do my ears deceive me? Is that Robert Picardo voicing MacNamara?

    • Viper50BMG says:

      My thoughts exactly; when he mentioned something about “It appears the Pentagon has been breached” I had a old-time ST: Voyager flashback. Either that or Stargate: Atlantis. Hmm… Gotta love Picardo.

    • Jhoosier says:

      Ah, Stargate! I was watching Voyager on veetle recently and kept wondering where I’d seen Picardo recently (went on a Stargate binge last year, watched EVERYthing).

  19. Gary W says:

    This is mildly amusing. Then the actual game begins and you’re shooting reskinned terrorists in a beautifully-rendered closet.

  20. the wiseass says:

    Is it possible to buy that mod without the rest of the game?

  21. skinlo says:

    I still have the same apathy I had before. If I wanted a zombie game, I’d play L4D1/2.

  22. Henry says:

    I love how much hate this site gives CoD trying to rise above it.

    This yet another reason for me to be looking forward to it ^^

    Can’t wait. No other FPS series except CS gets the basic movement and shooting down so smoothly.

    • Zyrxil says:

      Let’s play “No other except does .”

      No other multiplayer FPS except CoD gets multiplayer respawning so wrong.
      No other multiplayer FPS except CoD punishes losers so hard and rewards winners so much.
      No other multiplayer FPS except CoD makes it so easy to control recoil and aim.

      I mean, regardless of what studio making it, the negative aspects are still the same and drive me away after a month.

    • suibhne says:


      #1 – only an issue in TDM, which isn’t a good gametype anyway. Real gamers play S&D. ;)

      #2 – greatly improved in BO (tho probably still an issue, sigh).

      #3 – true story.

    • Zyrxil says:

      If I wanted to play S&D, I’d play Counterstrike. There are other objective modes, you know, which really highlight the terrible spawning system.

  23. Alex Bakke says:

    For me, the best bit is when Kennedy just states ‘Zombies.’ in a satisfied tone, as if that explains everything. Great stuff, and I agree. I had no interest in the game up until this point.

  24. Sir Derpicus says:

    What do people have against nixon? He ended the vietnam war, spearheaded the normalization with china, enforced women’s rights, and he still gets bad flack from hippies – even the ones born after watergate. I don’t get it.

    • Jetsetlemming says:

      What do people have against historical revisionism? Just because it’s not true doesn’t mean you can’t pretend it is! Stupid hippies or something

    • Jetsetlemming says:

      lol triple negatives.

    • Wandered In says:

      Well, he lied to the public about breaking the law, attempted to sabotage political opponents, joked that ‘if the president does it, it can’t be illegal,’ bombed the heck out of Cambodia without declaring war, was a key player in communist witch-hunts during the McCarthy era (Woo! HUAC!) and quite a few other things.
      Hunter S. Thompson described him as ‘the ultimate politician’ or some such. Not as a good thing.
      Not that he didn’t do some great things; but he completely escaped paying for very real crimes. The EPA, diplomatic meetings with China, “We Are All Keynsians Now,” quite a few things reflected his political nature. His willingness to compromise and accept when he needed to change were the positive side of it.
      On the other side… paranoia, a willingness to do anything to win, including cheat, and generally a rather dangerous level of slime that has eclipsed many of his better qualities in the public eye.
      To paraphrase Raoul Duke: Nixon would sell his own mother’s WOMB to SATAN if he thought the Antichrist would VOTE FOR HIM!

    • bleeters says:

      People tend to get annoyed at politicians who re-introduce conscription and announce invasions during increasingly unpopular wars, yeh. Soldiers firing at protesters doesn’t go down that well either. Funny that. Damn hippies and all that noise, right?

    • Mad Doc MacRae says:

      @bleeters – that stuff happened during JFK and Johnson though, while Nixon did wind down the war.

    • bhlaab says:

      Nixon did not go insane with power. He was insane, and we gave him power. Try listening to some of the tapes.

    • bleeters says:

      @ Mad Doc MacRae

      Oh? I was under the impression drafting re-appeared in ’69, after Nixon took office. Hrmm :(

  25. Deviant says:

    Wow they must be really runnin out of ideas,

  26. bhlaab says:

    Sorry, but it’s going to take a lot more than that for me to be interested in another goddamn zombie mode.

  27. Araxiel says:

    “Gentlemen, in times like these I’m happy to say: Ich bin kein Zombie”

  28. dragon_hunter21 says:

    How odd. This brings back memories of my early days checking RPS during the release of a certain other game- quite popular, as I understand it- that an RPS staffer didn’t want to play but had been drawn in for some tangential reason…

  29. sfury says:

    Yet, my dream of Churchill, Stalin, FDR and de Gaulle vs Zombie Nazis is still unfulfilled … *sigh* :/

  30. suibhne says:

    I’m a bit confused – wouldn’t Kruschev be more appropriate than MacNamara?

  31. Mooglepies says:

    OKAY, TREYARCH, ENOUGH! Just take my damn money already. You look like you’re tried a bit to balance the game, you’ve added funny, I can accept that. However, you’ve also taken away my riot shield and apparently nerfed the shotgun (and made it into a primary weapon, again) so I might get angry with you before the end of next week.

    Still amused that apparently the PC is a hotbed of pirates and scum, while the 360 version is the first to be leaked. Hooray for hypocrites!

  32. rocketman71 says:

    Oh, Call of Duty is the great evil, despite this. And Kotick’s still a bastard.