Gruff Trade: Goat Simulator Becomes A Reality This Spring

Hmm, I worry that it’s ever so slightly less entertaining now it’s a real thing with a pricetag, as opposed to an out-of-nowhere joke. Now it’s got the Snakes On A Plane problem – it has to live up to its concept. Still, we (including I) asked for it, so down Goat Simulator’s rabbit hole we must go.

Coffee Stain Studios’ animal vs physics absurdity experiment Goat Simulator has butted enough of the right people to become a fully-fledged project for the Sanctum devs, and to gain itself a Steam release at some point this Spring. It can even be pre-ordered for a $10, which seems a sizeable leap of faith even though I am tickled by the concept. Still, the devs are at least upfront that the whole thing is “incredibly stupid”, so at least we’re all going into this with a mutual understanding.

Here’s a new trailer. Given it features a goat attacking people with a tongue-wielded axe, I think we can now safely disregard one word in this game’s title. Props to them for upping their own ante though. I guess it’s a case of goat big or goat home.

‘Spring’ is all we have in terms of release date, and apparently pre-order nutters will get to play it three days before anyone else.


  1. SgtStens says:

    So many baaaaaaaaad puns.

  2. DhulKarnain says:

    50 years from now, just remember that you were here witnessing the fall of the Western civilization and did nothing about it.

    • Janichsan says:

      Don’t blame me! I didn’t buy CoD Ghosts!

      • Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

        CoD: Goats? :)

        • Darth Gangrel says:

          Now with dog, fish and goat AI! Get the Zoo DLC to add even more animals (that might or might not add anything to the game).

  3. LunyAlex says:

    You know how after a certain age you sort of fade out of that childhood innocence?

    I feel this will fix that issue for humanity. Especially if it sells well.

    This is The Hope Of The Industry.

  4. Turkey says:

    This looks like one of those games that you instantly purchase after watching a funny video of it and then you play it for 30 minutes and never touch it again.

    • LionsPhil says:

      So, Surgeon Simulator?

    • rcguitarist says:

      But what an awesome 30 minutes it will be.

    • jonahcutter says:

      Good thing I find the video devoid of anything actually funny then.

      Exaggerated physics sandbox with a goat avatar. Looks like something that could be cooked up pretty quick in Garry’s, or as a Skyrim mod. Hell, I’d be mildly surprised if it isn’t already a Skyrim mod.

    • Gap Gen says:

      C’mon people, it’s a $10 novelty product. It’s not like we tried to mine bitcoins or anything.

      • JanusForbeare says:

        Bitcoins? What is this, January 2014? Come on, it’s all about Dogecoins now.

        • The Random One says:

          “Invest in the leader of Venice today!”

          • Gap Gen says:

            The Dogecoin plunged when it was discovered that caravan trains to Venice were smuggling opium on the silk road from Asia Minor.

        • bstard says:

          [url=]I present you: the lolCoin[/url].

          (which my sisters neightbours cat earns by the billions just telling bedtime stories behind the laptop)

      • jonahcutter says:

        I’d say that space station janitor game was a novelty product. Silly and limited gameplay, but at least imaginative and creative in concept.

        This is just a goat avatar in a physics engine. It literally could be a throwaway mod of any number of other games.

        Why pay for it?

    • Low Life says:

      And there’s nothing wrong with that. In the words of Danny O’Dwyer: Goat Simulator Needs To Happen.

  5. Anthile says:

    It looks just like insurance fraud from Saints Row, the only minigame that ever had me in tears of laughter.

  6. Darth Gangrel says:

    Coffee Stain Studios are from Skövde, Sweden. I’ve never been more proud to be Swedish.

  7. Jockie says:

    If the physics messing about works and it isn’t a lazy mess sold on the back of a joke, it could actually be quite fun.

  8. Janichsan says:

    I like that “Bugs” are apparently a major feature.

  9. Cigol says:

    This is one of those ‘inside joke’ memes that aren’t the slightest bit funny when viewed by ‘outsiders’ isn’t it?

    Looks like a waste of money to me, and a shameless cash grab by the developers of an unexciting tech demo featuring something resembling a goat.

    • Tams80 says:

      |No Fun Allowed|

    • KevinLew says:

      I love all these negative posts about the game, and claims that this is a “cash grab” by the developers. If you look at the history of the game, they were making it at a game jam and then uploaded a few videos of it to their Youtube channel. It was only to show how funny it was due to the bugs and crappy physics. The video went completely viral and numerous news sites linked to it, even web sites that aren’t about video games.

      The developers kept getting questions if the game would be made for purchase. So they are doing it now. The developers have said that Goat Simulator is theoretically the most popular game that they’ve ever developed, and it was supposed to be a joke. They have never denied that the game is incredibly stupid, but it’s still very funny.

  10. Iskariot says:

    This will be great fun.

    For about three minutes.

  11. Glottis1 says:

    This is basically a meme in game form. This game is not educational, unlike other simulator games. Devs are just trying to ride on the succes of other simulator games and counting on that people are willing to buy this as a joke.

    Hopefully this does not become a thing.

    • hprice says:

      It has become a thing, Glottis1 … but then again maybe it always has …

      Oh, and I’m seriously not into multiplayer games (I mean … why play with other people who are far better than you at computer games???) … but for this I would definitely change my tune.

      My case? Goat Simulator Multiplayer: Goats, goats, goats … lots of goat tongues … more goats … more tongues … goats doing astonishing things with their tongues … ahhhhh … bliss!!

  12. Meusli says:

    Does nobody know you can play as a goat in the Arma games? You can do assault courses and dodge the hunter missions. Hell you can even play as a chicken if you so wish.

    • The Random One says:

      Obviously Goat Simulator will be a more exaggerated, laid-back goat simulator that does not require military goat precision. Goat Simulator is to ArmA as Just Cause is to… well, ArmA.

  13. hprice says:

    Next on the list: Hedgehog simulator (try to avoid crossing the road and getting squished), Badger Simulator (damn, that’s been done already. See Shelter …) … Vole Simulator (Monty Python may have done that already though), Newt Simulator (with special appearance by Ken Livingston), Squirrel Simulator: where you can build up your very own Squirrel army (with special guest appearance from the Janitor from Scrubs) … the possibilities are endless …

    (ooh ooh … I suddenly now want a Brian Blessed Simulator … well he’s kind of animal like and hairy … climb huge mountains, grow an enormous beard, shout so loud it demolishes whole buildings and continents, fly around the skies cackling insanely … could be amaaazing …)

    • Velko says:

      Your Brian Blessed Simulator sounds suspiciously like Skyrim.

      • RaveTurned says:

        Now I want a Brian Blessed mod for Skyrim. I don’t even own Skyrim, but if this mod existed I would buy it.

  14. Zepp says:

    Burn all your money.

  15. MeestaNob says:

    No GotY edition?