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Sid Meier's Steam Charts: Sid Meier's Sid Meier's Edition

Uncivilised

Featured post I will move to the first inhabitable planet we find with curly whirly clouds.

The game you like isn’t as good as the game I like. When you like the game you like, you are made to look a fool!

Find out why in this week’s Steam Charts.

10. Sid Meier’s Civilization VI

I'm going to argue that those catapults are too large to be practical.

Stomping through the charts like a bejumpered colossus, Sid Meier’s Steam Charts are fully occupied, and probably now have to feature graphs about grain consumption.

Mercifully significantly discounted still, for the release of Gathering Storm, 2K has kept the price of Civ VI down to an extremely decent £15. Which compared to its usual £50 for a two-and-a-half year-old game is quite the difference. That ends at 6pm British Correct Time tonight, if you want to snap this up without remortgaging your house.

Remember when boxed PC games, after about a year at full price, would be repackaged on a budget label? Remember before digital sales let us all somehow get massively screwed over? Ahhhh, the halcyon olden days.

And yes, astute reader, I did grumble about the same thing last week. And that’s because I have literally no information at all to pass on about Civilization VI. I know not even the tiniest thing about it. I have no words for you.

9. Sid Meier’s Civilization VI: Rise And Fall

I'm going to argue that those horses are also too big to be practical.

Oh shit.

Um, rubbish anecdote that doesn’t go anywhere? I met Sid Meier’s Sid Meier once! Tragically it was for that god-awful Pirates Exclamation Mark remake, a clumsy collection of terrible minigames (oh the dancing…) playing on people’s nostalgia for remembering liking the original version from before games were good.

But I interviewed him, and he was as lovely as you could hope, wearing a lovely cuddly jumper (I didn’t cuddle him, but I wanted to, and if I had, it would have been very cuddly), and clearly not minding that he was talking to someone woefully ill-informed to be interviewing him. But it was for PC Format, and they’re dead now.

8. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt GOTY

Geralt's mum

7. Monster Hunter: World

It's Jennifer!

How To Beat Jennifer

We’ve had a lot of requests coming into Steam Charts for this one. Being the definitive MHW guides on the modern internet, we get a lot of demands, and Jennifer has come up more than any other. So finally, here’s the Steam Charts guide to Jennifer.

Jennifer’s weaknesses and resistances

Gosh everyone loves Jennifer! It’s not just that she’s a lovely monster, always ready with a smile or a warm word, but it’s the lengths she’ll go for anyone who’s in need. If Jennifer has a weakness, it’s that she spends too much time caring for others, leaving not enough time to look after herself! It’s a rare day that goes by where Jennifer isn’t found reading to blind monsters at the library, or preparing a batch of cupcakes for an elderly relative, or just listening to a total stranger until they feel heard for the first time in years.

How to fight Jennifer

Just smash her to shit with a hammer.

6. God Eater 3

Remember last week when I did that communion gag? Those were the days.

Oh this isn’t going to stick around, is it? It’s bad enough doing Monster Hunter World every week, but a MHW copycat too? Apparently it doesn’t even feature any single bit where you eat a god! What’s that?!

I propose a proper God Eater, where you hunt around the heavens eating every god you can find. Clearly some will be more problematic to depict than others, but we could start with the Roman gods for relative safety, and work our way up.

5. Astroneer

We'll be so disappointed when we finally find life-supporting alien planets, and they have the same green grass as us.

Astroneer’s been around so long we wrote a Have You Played for it two years ago! OK, admittedly Graham got a little over-keen and wrote about it a month after it first came out in Early Access, but still.

We should have some words this week on how it’s shaped up now it’s reached its 1.0 incarnation. But Graham’s always loved it, and it does look awfully cute.

4. Far Cry: New Dawn

This is definitely prettier than real life.

Coo, this doesn’t bode well for good Far Cry games. In the main, a new Ubisoft release can comfortably occupy multiple spots in the Charts, certainly including the top one. So what a big shining shame that an actually decent Far Cry entry should have such a relatively low showing.

It might be that just having a couple of day’s sales included wasn’t enough for their usual dominance, and next week we could see it taking over. Or at least I’d hope so, lest it send a message to Ubi that everyone would prefer something far more horribly written.

3. Flibble Glibble Pants

Thank you Mobygames for these splendid screenshots.

What’s Another Thing You Could Buy Instead Of Ten Thousand Six Hundred And Sixty-Seven Copies Of GTA V Again?

This planet-themed wristwatch

2. Plunkbat

To you I offer some Open Mike Eagle. (How Could Anybody) Feel At Home to be precise. Not least because it contains the lyric, “There’s a spork in the road.”

1. Sid Meier’s Civilization VI: Gathering Storm

Nature's fireworks.

Uh-oh.

Crikey, if these are in the charts next week too I’m going to have to do interpretative dance or something. I mean, god forbid I play one of them to see whether they’re any fun. The original Civilization was bemusing to me when I was 13, and I can’t imagine they’ve got any simpler or I’ve got any smarter.

The Steam Charts are compiled via Steam’s internal charts of the highest grossing games on Steam over the previous week.

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