Disappearing penises among Cyberpunk 2077's many launch bugs
Though some players can't make their dicks go away
Cyberpunk 2077 is out. Cyberpunk 2077 is buggier than an ant farm. If you've played it yourself it's entirely possible you've come across some sort of graphical glitch, crash, or strange wardrobe malfunction. Fortunately, new graphic cards drivers can help with some issues on PC, though players are still reporting a whole lot of glitchiness elsewhere - including crashes, broken level decorations, stuck missions, and even disappearing penises.
First up, the serious stuff. Some Cyberpunk 2077 players are reporting crashes. For some it's on startup, while others are having the game close after just a few minutes of playing. A few players have said that swapping out hardware like RAM has fixed their crashing, while others are still having issues even on higher performance hardware. General game performance is similarly all over the place, with reports that even changing the graphics settings from between ultra and low isn't helping with framerate drops.
And now a PSA: download the latest Nvidia or AMD driver update if you haven't already. Running the game without these seems to be causing players all sorts of strange issues, like making teeny tiny trees show up in places they just shouldn't be.
I knew Cyberpunk 2077 was going to be glitchy but I did not expect my entire game to be covered with tiny trees pic.twitter.com/YGpHYUTUTS
— Jason Schreier (@jasonschreier) December 10, 2020
There are a few visual glitches like textures and objects randomly popping in and out that players say these updates have fixed, too, so they're a good place to start if you're struggling with graphics at all.
Nvidia and AMD cannot help with your disappearing dick, though. Multiple players have reported that after spending so much time carefully crafting the perfect peen, it's not appearing when they look at themselves in the mirror. One guy seems to think he may have accidentally given himself a vagina, but other players suggest there's an issue with V's apartment mirror, because they've been turned into Ken dolls. However, don't panic too soon, V's junk is still there (albeit invisible) and saving and reloading might make it reappear.
(Vampire junk isn't the only mirror problem, either. Gazing into it while wearing a hat will make both the hat and your hair vanish.)
A disappearing dick might sound pretty good to the players who've found their V just won't put it away. Some folks are finding V is baring it all during cutscenes, while others are, uh, flying low?
Best #Cyberpunk glitch so far, absolutely flawless 10/10 pic.twitter.com/xzgAH1uHYw
— FISK (@FiskyBizniz) December 9, 2020
Best first glitch for Cyberpunk 2077 so far pic.twitter.com/VCenQzWv1a
— Bipper (@PipperBipper) December 10, 2020
Up next, one Reddit user seems to have found some in-game advertisements advising CD Projekt Red on what to do with their game. "Chelinchan24" posted these screenshots of some ads on Night City's highway. When you're driving around, the signs say "DEBUG", but when you open photo mode they actually appear as they're meant to be.
That's not the only odd thing you might spot on the streets. PC Gamer's Chris Livingston got told off by lots of angry drivers who seemed to blame him for their terrible steering.
Will never progress in Cyberpunk 2077 because I can't stop watching every single driver slowly crash into this one barricade and then yell at me about it pic.twitter.com/AqE5wbCsvT— Chris Livingston (@screencuisine) December 10, 2020
It's not a surprise that a brand new open-world RPG has bugs, though this is a lot. I know Cyberpunk 2077 was already delayed multiple times, but I feel like this bad boy could've stayed in the oven just a bit longer.
The game has already had a day-one patch to deal with some of the issues reviewers experienced before launch, though the devs were very vague on what exactly that fixed. I expect (or hope) that more fixes are on the way, but CDPR have yet to make any sort of statement on it all.
The only thing they have addressed is that they've accidentally left a copyrighted song in the game that could play even if you have the "Disable Copyrighted Music" option on. They're working on a fix, but don't say exactly when it'll come.
For now, you can find some technical support over on CDPR's website. Alternatively, head over to the official forum (which is currently having a bit of a meltdown), GOG's forum, Steam's discussions, or the bug report thread on the Cyberpunk 2077 subreddit to see if other players are having similar issues to yours.
If you're playing through GOG Galaxy and it crashes when loading, try this Cyberpunk startup crash fix.
Of course, Cyberpunk 2077 is more than just its bugs. We'll have a review up on RPS soon to tell you all about it.