Foot-to-ball isn't actually on the list of "things I do not understand". I followed it closely for a few years in the mid nineties so I'm not a stranger to how the game works. My reference points, however, are outdated and weirdly specific and I have never played FIFA. This post about FIFA Ultimate Team player updates can only go well then…
N.B. Usually Graham would be doing that stuff but he and John are on a "coffee adventure" so here I am.
FIFA Ultimate Team – as far as I can fathom it – seems to be a kind of fantasy league team-building type thing within FIFA 15. Players for these teams can be earned by picking up sort of digital card packs and each of the footballers has a bronze, silver or gold ranking. I think there's a sort of "shiny" called an In-Form player – that's a footballer who's been outstanding and gets a special card with their stats boosted. You can use the cards to create a team and then take that team to compete in tournaments against other FUT players.
After the 2015 January transfer window closed FUT received a massive update to reflect who's gone where as well as raising the value of a number of players – 130 of them to be precise. But from this point it becomes nonsense to me.
Where is Phil Neville? [Adam: he's having his own coffee adventure]
Where's Ian Rush? [Adam: shaved his moustache, lost his powers]
What of Robbie Fowler? [Adam: became an actual god and now lives in the rafters of the Kop]
Zinedine Zidane? [Adam: did a headbutt and was banished to the moon]
Jurgen Klinsmann? [Adam: successfully reintroduced soccerball to the USA and was made Secretary of State]
Karel Poborsky? [Adam: lobs for food]
Ruud Gullit? [Adam: at 52 is still the best player in the world but is not included in the game due to hair-based licensing issues]
Looking through the list I know only Gianluigi Buffon. I have no idea how or why I have heard his name but he seems to be doing well, so there's that.
Something which is also confusing me at the moment is the In-Form upgrades because some players – Paul Pogba from Juve, for example – seem to have two cards, each with different values. I assume that's because he got two In-Forms but why would the values be different and why wouldn't you simply adjust the existing In-Form? That is a genuine question, by the way.
But yes. There is a whole bunch of information and numbers over on EA's FIFA blog so I figured I would let you know in case this was a Matter Of Interest.
And now I am going to Google to try and find out whether Dennis Bergkamp ever conquered his fear of flying [Adam: Yes. Became an astronaut].