Agent 47's no stranger to the mile-high club. Jetting off from Paris to Mumbai, New Zealand to Italy, I don't want to think about how large our chrome-dome killer's carbon footprint must be. Snuffing out billionaires is absolutely one way to offset your emissions, but surely there are greener ways to murder your way across the planet. Did you even know there was a climate strike going on while you booked tickets to the Maldives, Agent? For shame.
But we didn't just come to Hitman 2's new Haven Island DLC to up our kill count, did we? There's mischief to be done - you there, tour guide, what's the best thing to throw my luggage at around these parts?
A new Hitman map means new opportunities for hijinks, something Hitman 2 leans into far more than its 2016 predecessor. After turning a bugged-out briefcase into a feature, crafty assassins quickly achieved horrifying new means of murder. One, in particular, pursued joggers around Miami "It Follows"-style for entire minutes with the spectral satchel.
But the essence of both horror and comedy is timing. Mr Hitman's latest DLC takes him to the sun-soaked Maldives in Haven Island. He's upped his case-tossing skill this time around, as demonstrated in this clip posted on Reddit by "xblood_raven".
It's perfect. Each turn brings the case so close to disaster, the unknowing skier pulling away just in time. It twists, it turns. Finally, it bonks. No matter when you hurl the case, it'll always slap the unwitting vacationer on the back of the bonce just as the jet-ski pulls in to park. Absolutely beautiful.
Don't feel bad for the poor sod, either. Hitman 2's Haven Island is a resort for affluent bastards and extremely online ne'er-do-wells who've been cancelled. Haven Island offers a safe place to lay low while the eponymous firm fixes their public image.
That prick on the jet-ski? Probably a racist Twitch streamer. Had it coming, really.
Haven Island arrived last week to close out Hitman 2's Expansion Pass. For now, picking up the Pass for £33/€40/$40 is the way to fly out for some Maldives murder. If previous releases are anything to go by, mind, I reckon it'll show up for about a tenner sometime in the near future.