"Miss, Miss, it's so sunny, can we have Steam Charts on the field?"
"NO. Sit down and write about popular PC games in this oppressively hot room until the DAY YOU DIE."
Well, whatever Bless was, it's gone now. Three spots last week, disappeared entirely this week. You mayflies. But while there are no surprises in the top spot, this week yet again sees no CS:GO, no GTA V, none of the weary-inducing regulars. Which is absolutely no bloody good for a column so reliant on running gags. However, it's great for celebrating new games selling well!
10. The Forest
Clinging on by its fingernails, after being at #9 last week, The Forest continues to deservedly profit with its release version.
The only problem being, those aren't its own fingernails it's clinging on with.
Oh hello completely lovely and splendid Subnautica! How lovely to see you back. And for a nice reason, too.
Subnautica deserves to sell squillions of copies either way, but the reason for the re-entry is a combination of a 20% discount over the weekend, plus teaming up with Whale & Dolphin Conservation to do a fundraiser.
15% of the game's profits this weekend went toward WDC, and that's still happening for a few more hours if you're reading this quickly enough. If not, I guess you could just give them some money anyway!
Oh good gravy, I thought we were done with this nonsense. At #10 last week, I thought all the mad weirdo humans who wanted to play a version of Wario Ware designed by accountants would have spent their money.
But no, it's climbed back up again, as more people prove they want to simulate screwing radiator pipes to walls rather than, I don't know, have some fun.
I really rather liked The Division, with all its daft faults and idiotic plotting. I proved it by writing a huge long article listing everything that's wrong with it. Imagine what fun it must be being my wife.
You might think it hypocritical for a PC gaming website called "Rock, Paper, Shotgun" to criticise anyone else's name. But speaking as a hypocrite who was partly responsible for that enormity, Warhammer 40,000: Inquisitor - Martyr is a really fucking stupid name.
It was also a really mediocre game when I tried an earlier version last year. It's out of early access now, so I really should return for another look to see if its had forty tons of clunk removed from its clunkfest.
Anyone born before - I don't know, 1996? - will surely bristle just at the notion of a movie-game tie-in. The further the start date goes back, the bristlier the bristle. Mine reaches back to 1977, so I remember the shitshow that was the 80s' US Gold games, scrappy side-scrolling platformers churned out to match every action movie, depicted in upward of four colours. So it is that I still expect Jurassic World Evolution to be exactly that.
And yet people seem quite excited about this one. Which is just plain peculiar. It's not even out yet, and already at #4. Despite costing a horrific £45. Here's video castle, Matthew Person, having a play:
6 & 3.Vampyr
They're going to be so embarrassed when they realise they spelt "Vampire" wrong in the title!
Somehow occupying two slots without being a AAA game (throwing even more confusion into my madcap theories about how this phenomenon occurs) Vampyr is selling well despite being a bit bleh.
Yay Raft! So pleased this most charming and calming of survival sims is in the de-facto top spot! And holding its place near the top of the charts. I imagine it's in a large part because even at the start of its early access it's a very splendid time.
But it's probably mostly because of those cute pics of my kid roleplaying the game in the front garden last week. While Raft the actual game is only seeing bug fixes recently, Raft: Front Garden Edition has received a significant patch adding in a magnetic hook on his fishing line, and paper cut-out fish with paperclips all over them.
This weekend I treated myself to some full volume Transplants in the car, with the windows down, so sorry the Longwell Green and Bitton areas in which this occurred. You'd understand if most of the time you're in the car you're required to listen to Disney soundtracks.
I'm not sure how obvious to be. Not using Diamonds & Guns so give me that. But gone for DJ because it captures how Transplants are Terrorvision without the nausea.
The Steam Charts are compiled via Steam's internal charts of the highest grossing games on Steam over the previous week.